A woman brought a very limp duck into a vet. As she laid her pet on the
table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said,

"I'm so sorry, your duck has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm quite sure. The duck
is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you
haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room and
returned a few moments later with a black Labrador retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hindlegs,
put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to
bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later
with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at
the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly
and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is
most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a
bill which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took
the bill.. "£150!", she cried.

"£150 just to tell me my duck is dead?"

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry." "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill
would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now
£150."

This joke's like my penis.

It's quite short and you'll probably laugh at it.

that's funny, i thought the same thing

apart from it's really long and when you've finished with it you're in a bit of pain

had to share it with you though!!

sign seen in a shop window,WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1,000 AL QUAEDA TERRORISTS THAN DO BUSINESS WITH ONE BRITISH SOLDIER,no disrespect to the soldier it was an undertakers.

Got this other day may of heard it may not but hey ho....Bloke sees a sign in a shop window "hull kr the glory years" so he goes in & asks how much it is-bloke says 100 quid-100 quid thats a bit steep why so expensive-well its 10quid for the video & 90 for the betamax recorder to play it on!!

A CHARITY APPEAL IN AID OF THE TERRIBLE EVENTS OF THIS WEEK!
Shocked devastated, crushed, no hope, no money, no future, everything gone, nothing left, no one can help, it's a disaster. Please send what you can to:
Hull K.R,
Craven Park,
Preston Road, Hull, East Yorkshire, HU9 5HE.

Paddy's wife comes home from work and finds all her sex toys nailed to the wall in a straight line. She screams at him, "You f#*@ing stupid 2@, I said I wanted a dado rail!!

Q.How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

Two “sporting heroes” from east of the river were sitting down for a break in their soon- to - be store on Hessle Road.


As yet, the store, although decorated in red & white wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thicky is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious local, resplendent in the latest Black & White apparel walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad accent asked "What's tha sellin' ere?"

One of the dobbins replied sarcastically, "We're selling Rs - holes."

Without skipping a beat, the Hull fan said, "Tha's doing well ...
Only two left!"

What was Fred Trueman doing shopping on essle rerd????????

Nurse, no!!!! I said prick his boil.

ba-dum tish

Saw a rovers season pass nailed to a tree down our road. Thought i'll have that! -you can never have enough nails

Jonathan Ross has revealed he didn't resign from the BBC , he was sacked for stealing utensils from the BBC canteen.

Commenting on the story the outgoing popular presenter stated

" I though it was a whisk worth taking "!!

Simple but made me laugh.