he will have an asshole like a clowns pocket when they finish with him inside!!!

Are Firefighters overpaid or overworked,

They took a poll,

And they all fell through a hole in the floor.



I've just taken the shell off my racing snail to streamline him.

If anything it's made him more sluggish.

A bloke goes to a fishmongers to pick up some fish for a BBQ. At the fresh fish counter he asks the assistant for two whole trout. The assistant picks two trout up and asked 'How would you like them sir?', to which he replied 'gutted please'. Without hesitating the assistant looks towards the fish and says 'you're both smelly and not worth as much as the cod.' He then turns to the man and says 'There you go mate, they're gutted!.'

Jesus, these are getting worse each time lol

The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.

The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.

Dear Jim
Can you fix it for me to go on a holiday with my bird without her parents getting all uppity about it....
From Jeremy Forrest aged 30

I started my new job as a bingo caller last night and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly.

My boss immediately came over and whispered in my ear, "Don't do that again."

"Sorry," I said, "It must be the nerves."

"Fair enough," he replied, "But there was no need to hold the microphone to your ar5e."

I was having a great time at the Nazi karaoke evening.

And then I went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like I love Jews.

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Peter's church in Shrewsbury have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy Green from Margate has written in to Points of view.

When will the madness end?

I had that Fatboy Slim voice on my SatNav. It was useless.

I just kept going around in circles because all the time it was: "Right here, Right now."

Fifty Shades Of Grey (Yorkshire Edition).....

After point blank refusing to fork out for any kind of love lube, he smeared her back doors in margarine and then began masterfully heightening her pleasure, until she screamed out aloud.....













"you tight sod, I can't believe it's not butter"

someone walked into Hudges office and said "do you have that list of next years passholders so far matey"

he teacher says, "OK class, I'd like you all to tell me what you need at home"

Susie says, "We need a computer"

Wendy says, "We need a car"

Johnny says, "We don't need anything Miss"

Teacher says, "Come on Johnny, everyone needs something?"

"No Miss, my sister came home with her new Hull KR supporting boyfriend and my Dad said 'That's all we f---ing need!'"

Life is like a penis.

Soft and hanging freely.

It's women that make it hard

What do you call a leper in a wind tunnel?

Confetti.

Did you know that, if you watch Lord of the Rings backwards, it's a story about a little guy who gets a cool ring from a volcano and spends the rest of the film walking home...

i rescued a fairy from a fire today and as a reward she granted me one wish i asked to live forever she said im sorry but we cant grant that wish! ok i replied i want to see hull kr win the grand final she said you crafty bugger!!

Offering Paul Wood the matchball from the GF??

I've got my coat

That doesn't make sense.

it does

Why didn't you explain why instead of been a c()ck! Hull KR will never win a GF which will mean he will live forever. Hope that helps.

Paul Wood will be in his Testi-lonial year after Saturday

A woman goes to the doctors and asks if it's safe to have anal sex. The doctor replies it's perfectly safe as long as she doesn't get pregnant. The woman said she didn't know you could get pregnant from anal sex, to which the doc replied " Where do you think all the rovers supporters came from?"

craig sandercock takes his team to a restaurant for a pre season meal. the waiter asks him what he would like to eat. 'i'll have the t bone steak' says our aussie friend. the waiter then asks, 'what about the vegetables sir?' to which sandy replies

'oh, they'll have the same as me'

Bloke walks into a bar and orders a pint, whilst waiting he notices a big fish tank stuffed with £10 notes so asks the bar man what it is.
Barman says "Ah that's the pub challenge money"
So bloke asks whats involved
"Well give us a tenner and I'll tell you"
Bloke hands the tenner over and the barman tells him "You can win the contents if you complete the 3 challenges, as follows first of all you've gotta down a bottle of whiskey in one go, then go out back and the pub rottweiler has a bad tooth that needs pulling but he's a vicious bugger, and last of all you need to go upstairs and give the landlords 90 year old randy mother a seeing too"
Bloke says right hand us the whiskey, does it in one then staggers out towards the back, barman hears all this screaming barking and yelping and after 10 minutes the bloke staggers back in covered in blood and scratches and chunks bitten out of him and slurrs to the barman
"Now wheres this old woman with a bad tooth?"