Alright Pies

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Blackburn 2 Latics 1

Mr Cadbury met Ms Rowntree on a Double Decker, it was just After Eight.
They got off at Quality Street, infront of the Fisherman's Friend pub.
He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said in a quiet Wispa.
"I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts" he said.
Then he touched her Creme Eggs.
They checked into a hotel, he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Milky Way.
He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.
It was a Fab moment as she let out a scream of sheer Turkish Delight.
Sadly 3 days later his Sherbert Fountain started to drip.
It turns out Ms Rowntree had been with Bertie Basset who had Allsorts.

rlChi-Ching!rl

Love the name of the bloke trying to sell the thing

A Wigan fan and a St. Helens fan collide in a huge accident. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.

“This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends,” says the Wigan fan.

“I agree,” replies the Saints one.

The Wigan fan then returns to the wreckage and pulls out a bottle of whiskey from one of a cluster of shopping bags.

“Look,” he says to the Saints fan, “this must be another sign from God. We should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival”

He hands the bottle over to the Saints fan, who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back.

He casually screws the top back on and returns the bottle to his car.

“Oh, aren’t you having any?” asks the Saints fan.

“No,” he replies.

“I think I’ll wait until the police get here.”

A Wigan fan, a Saints fan and a Warrington fan were all in a park in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol was a severe offence, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the stuff, they were each sentenced to death!

However, after many months, and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a national holiday on the day that their trial finished, and the unusually benevolent ruler of this strange place decided they could be released after receiving just twenty lashes each.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the ruler declared:

“It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”

The Wire fan was first in line, so he thought about this for a while and then said:

“Please tie a pillow to my back.”

This was done, but the pillow only lasted ten lashes before the whip went through. The Warrington fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Saints fan was next up, and after watching the scene, said:

“Choice! Please fix two pillows on my back.”

But even two pillows could only take fifteen lashes before the whip went through again.

The Wigan fan was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the ruler turned to him and said:

“You have had to wait till last and witness the punishment making you even more fearful than the other two. For this, as is the tradition here in Sauid Arabia, you may have two wishes!”

“Ta lad, your most royal and merciful highness”, the Wigan fan replied.

“In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not twenty, but one hundred lashes.”

“Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave,” cooed the ruler, with an admiring look on his face.

“If one hundred lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?”

“Please tie the Saints fan to my back.”

NEWSFLASH..!!!!!!


John Terry has lost the England Captain's armband.







Fabio Capello has phoned Wayne Bridge to ask if it's under his bed!

Wayne Bridge has said that he won't play for England whilst John Terry is in the team.




I really hope that John Terry bangs Emile Heskey's missus soon

The International Council of Man Laws.

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7. In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

19. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

20. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

21. Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, yellow, orange or sky blue.

22. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 or a Playstation- End of story.

23. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

24. Never wear a man bag to work.

25. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'


I hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Man Laws

awkwardfamilyphotos.com/category ... l-of-fame/

awkwardfamilyphotos.com/category ... l-of-fame/

Poor John Terry

No, I was merely amused by him being replaced as England captain. There are new rumours?

check you pms