A dysfunctional family

A dysfunctional family:

Richard Lewis & Nigel Wood - Husband and Wife. The daddy and the bitch.

Wigan - The favouirite child. Firstborn. The breadwinner. Makes the rules of the house and bends them where necessary.

Warrington - The second-oldest brother - a tryer but should have gotten more A-Levels. Spends money like there's no tomorrow.

St Helens - Eldest daughter and sexy big sister to the other siblings. Past her prime but still worth a stare.

Huddersfield - Daddy's first pet project. Cost a fortune but growing in popularity. Barbie will end up back in the gutter when her husband Ken leaves her.

Catalans Dragons - Came over from France as an excahnge student. She has stayed in daddy's house since. Starting to contribute to the family at long last. Needs to stop dating all those Aussies though.

Castleford - Bullied by daddy and the bitch. Turns up for family do's in the wrong clothes; once had to borrow the school uniform of the estate trogg. Daddy took some of his pocket money as a punishment.

Leeds - The thug of the family. Spent years underachieving at school but then passed a few exams. Now a solictor earning big bucks. Very unpopular amongst other siblings.

Hull - The slag of the family. Tramp. Went round the block a few times in the eighties but no matter how much slap she puts on, it just aint cutting it anymore. Milf.

Hull.K.R - The big "I am". Claims to have a thousand friends. Has done really well since failing his 11 plus, getting some GCSE's at secondary school and then advancing to big school 5 years ago.

Salford - Uncle Knob-Head. Chavster. About to move into a Barratt House, thinking it's going to make daddy proud but those wobbly walls aint going to impress. Daddy and the bitch want more friends to visit Uncle Knob-Head in his new home but it aint gonna happen.

Bradford - The fat Auntie. Used to bore the off the whole family but achieved a lot in her job as managing Director of the local tip. Lost a legal battle to take custody of the "thug of the family's" child and has since struggled financially.

Harlequins & Crusaders - Twins adopted by Daddy and the bitch. Both in remedial class and both costing Daddy lots of money. Harlequins has no friends to play with as he is at a London boarding school. Has changed his name by deed-poll 4 times in order to get himself an identity; no-one still knows who the hell he is. Crusaders is dysfunctional - has a criminal record stretching back to his adoption date and has twice spent all of his allowance. Will probably be given back to the adoption agency.

Wakefield - Daddy and the bitch have told her to pack her bags. She's lied so many times about buying a house that her parents have had enough. Got into trouble with the credit card company and broke daddy's rules (Although Crusaders survived daddy's whipping belt when he did it -twice!!) Some kids are daddy's favourite that's for sure.

Widnes - The whinging snotty nosed kid is about to take over Wakefields bedroom after having been thrown out of the house in favour of the French exchange student some years ago. Also had credit card problems in the past but has now married a rich used car salesmen and so is rolling in the wonga. Has a strange obsession with children and all things youth although such fascinations will be ditched once he moves into Wakfield's bedroom.