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Amended. Thanks for the feedback guys.
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Much improved from last week, well done.
I'm sure someone will come along and analyse it but quite frankly I'm not in the mood.
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| Quote: tombojombo "Report from tonight's Wigan-Warrington game:
Much better, your opening summary is too long though and the tense is incorrect for me.
You are lacking insight; I would expect more on any key decisions such as ‘Wigan opting to take the two points rather than run the ball’. There is still little in your report that portrays an understanding of the game. Keep going you’ll get a job at the BBC.
It doesn’t flow.
It’s stop start.
Write in paragraphs.
But it is much better.
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