Or the little lad who sang the MJ song. I couldn't believe that audition, it was as if Cowell had decided that his talent wasn't enough on it's own to win the competition so he needed to have something else to make people remember him.

"Oh how about we get him to sing, then I'll stop him half way through so the crowd are in disbelief, then when he starts with the Jackson song they'll love him even more".

No we was asked to do as many swear words as possible and I won of course. But obviously the C word isn’t your average swearword!

Can’t say anything thing in a classroom full of lasses though can you without offending them. One lass asked how she could get pass me and I said she should lose weight. Went crying to the course manager.

Said something remotely amusing about caravans and the lass from Castleford gave me a right dirty look!

I should count myself lucky as I’ve just got a seven day ban on the sinbin.

If safe to go on they now people!

Thats a good place to draw a line