cheering me up already

Would it actually qualify as a joke though

End of thread right there - joke of the year

A little girl goes 2 the barbers with her dad & stands next 2 the chair eating a cake while her dad gets a haircut. Barber smiles at her & says "you're gonna get hair on your muffin." "i know" she says, "i'm gonna get t*ts too you dirty old B*****d!

A blonde went to her front door several times way before it was time for the postman to make his rounds. Her husband noticed her repeated trips to the door and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.

"No," she replied, "My computer keeps telling me I have mail."

Nothing wrong with blondes

The club president, coach, a prop and a wing are taking a charter flight to the National Finals when the engines cut out.

The pilot enters the passenger compartment and says, "We're going down. There's only four parachutes! Since I'm the pilot I'm taking one," and then jumps from the plane.

The coach says, "Without me the team won't have a chance, so I'm taking one," and he jumps out.

The winger says, "I'm the fastest and smartest man on the pitch and without me the team can't win a game, so I'm taking one," and he jumps out of the plane.

The club president looks at the prop and says, "You take the last parachute. The team needs you more than it needs me". The prop responds, "We both can take a parachute. The smartest man on the pitch just jumped out of the plane with my kit bag on his back."

Ben Cockaine : "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

A bloke goes to doctors for a check-up, as he has been a bit run down of late.

After the examination the doctor says "Your fine.....nothing wrong". He then pauses and then carries on "Well.......Apart from your d*ck that is. I’m a bit confused as to why it’s orange in colour. Do you work with chemicals at all?"

The man replies "No I don't work."

"well......." the doctor says "What do you do during your unemployment then?"

The man thinks for a bit and replies "I don't do anything I just stay home and watch my porn videos and eat Cheesy Wotsits".

Every tme Hull FC score a try my dog does a summersalt.
If i kick him hard enough he does two.