January-May and July-November is it?

Don't think DFS specialise in couches as these are daybeds traditionally found at the foot of four poster beds in grand bedchambers. They tend to be harder than sofas and traditionally were merely boards. So perhaps Tommy meant hit the sack on the couch/board?

While we're at it. Is Officers Club still closing down? It's been closing down for 10 years now!

I'd like to moan about the fact that my dog constantly has jizz dribbling out of the end of his cock and he keeps getting it on the sofa. And sometimes my trousers.

Not the couch - that's the ticket. My dog had a special shagging cushion but died a virgin, poor lad. He was a proud boy, too.

Can this be a new chat thread, Mods?

My dog isn't particularly humpy, he just has the discharge problem. And constant erections. He's only a year old, so hoping he'll grow out of it. Nowt less pleasant than doggy lipstick.

have you tried sticking a photo of Ann Widdecombe next to his bed? Should sort it right out.

When Brian reached puberty he had the dribbling thing, but blood appeared too. The vet said it was because of rubbing his old man on the carpet and recommended the cushion. The lad never looked back, but sadly didn't quite move on to girly dogs. We've got a bitch, now, who's equally clueless.

or uncle kaff, never get a hard on again.

A large sum of Hull fans love to moan. Nothing to moan about, nothing to say.

Stop moaning about it!

That's just made me feel a bit queasy.

Shag pile ?

Yes you can borrow mine. It worked for me. I went off to become a monk.