Bloke says to his mate, "I've been taking steroids and i've grown an extra cock". His mate says, "Anabolic"? And the bloke says, "No, just a cock"!!

Why do hippos make love under water?




Ever tried keeping a 9lb clitoris wet?

I had a mate who was suicidal, he was really depressed, so i pushed him in front of a steam train.
he was chuffed to bits.

A young German boy has not spoken since birth. Despite many visits to specialists they can neither find anything physically preventing him from talking nor any psychoogical reason. On his tenth birthday the family celebrate by taking him to a restaurant. On trying his soup the boy looks up and says to his mother "mazzer, ziz soop is cold". The mother in tears at this miracle says "hans, vy haf you vaited so long to speak?" and the boy says "Until now mazzer, everysing has been satisfactory"

Dont know why but i nearly peed

There was this Paddy who thought a canopy was a Scotsman with bladder trouble.

Dave is a Hull FC supporter who dies and goes to heaven. He meets St Peter at the pearly gates and is given a guided tour of heaven. They eventually finish the tour in the clock room. Dave is amazed at how many clocks there is in this room. Dave says "St Peter, how many clocks are there in this room and what do they do?"
St Peter says "There is a clock for every living person back on earth and when their clock stops they die and come here into heaven" Dave points at a clock then says "And why has that clock just skipped on one full hour"
St Peter says "Well, the owner of that clock has just masturbated so God took one hour off his life for sinning".
Dave say's "Can is see Justin Morgans clock".
St Peter says "No, You can't because the chef is using that clock as an extractor fan".

Teacher. "Who first flew the Atlantic?"
Johnny. "Leon Pryce."
Teacher. "No,it was Alcock and Brown."
Johnny. "What I said miss."

In 1983 3 kids were playing in Spring bank in Hull when they were hit by a train. They all go to heaven and God says to them, "You weren't supposed to die, you were all supposed to live out your lives. This was not your time. To make it up to you, I'll let you choose what you want to do with your life. Take a running jump off of that cloud over there, and as you're flying back down to Earth, shout out what you want to do. And so it shall be."
The 1st kid takes a running leap and shouts "Solicitor" and so, 20 years later, he is a very successful lawyer, making lots of money, with an upcoming appointment to the Bench.

The 2nd kid takes his turn and shouts "brain surgeon" and so, 20 years later, he is the most admired man in his field of medicine and making a ton of money saving lives.

The 3rd kid goes to take his turn, and as he runs he trips over his own feet and stumbles of the cloud muttering "stupid clumsy a***hole." 20 years later, he's playing the back row forward for Hull KR.

Why do prop forwards attract blondes


opposites attract

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Why do people tend to hate Australian Rugby players on sight?
Because it saves time.

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Is loving s a song, or a band?!

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

Man: Doctor, I think I'm going deaf.

Doctor: What are the symptoms?

Man: A cartoon family on TV, why???