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"And we had hoped to have been bringing you Arthur the Human Chameleon, but this afternoon, he crawled across a tartan rug and died of exhaustion."

"West Mersea police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms."

"The search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."

We've re-signed Tommy Lee and Graeme Horne in place of Berrigan and Fitzgibbon. They'll give us the long term stability we need.

Unbelievable, what is the board smoking ? They get everything else right except the coach.

Why can't they wait ? It not like he is going to sign elsewhere, at least see what the weekend fixtures bring.

The fact that Rovers fans think this is great just about says it all.

I thought it was Paul King, swings and roundabouts i suppose.

WERE ALL DOOMED !!!!!!!

they're all probably to busy ing themselves laughing to be able to type.

Seriously what has this fella done to warrant a new 2 year deal ??

This stinks of the club being happy with mediocrity and 'on the cheap'. I for one am well ed off not because I am one of the Agar Haters but thought the club would progress to a much bigger name at the end of this season to take us to another level !

Does anyone have James Rule's email address?

I don't bother posting much on here anymore but I've just sent this to 'Tell Us':

Dear 'Tell Us',

This is the first time I have used this feature but feel I have to write now to register my disgust at the disgraceful decision taken to award Richard Agar a new contract. The irony of this isn't lost on me since by taking the decision to give Agar a new deal you have proved that the club clearly couldn't care less what the fans tell you, at least as far as on-pitch matters are concerned.

Since his appointment (which I disagreed with at the time), Mr Agar has overseen our transition from top4 to bottom 4 club. He has a win record of something like 43%. In this time we have played some of the most dire one-dimensional rugby I have seen in my eleven years of support and shown a total lack of a 'plan b' when this doesn't work. He has failed to improve the ability of a single player, admitted to not watching opposition teams in order to know how to counter them and come out with such pearls of wisdom as 'completion rates are overrated'.

During this period of abject failure, the club has consistently subjected its fans to spin mostly via a litany of excuses such as the injury problems over the past few seasons and the fact that 'this wasn't Agar's team'. While I accept to an extent the injuries excuse, the 'not his team' argument is frankly ludicrous. For proof of that see the dramatic difference that Maguire has already made to the Wigan team, despite the fact that thus far he has only signed a reserve half-back and the rest of the team were there last season under Noble.

All that said, I can accept that there was a case to be made for giving Agar the benefit of the doubt so far (primarily on the basis of his much-needed clear out of deadwood from the squad at the end of last season, along with the impressive signings he made to replace them). However, taking the decision to renew only eight games into the season is simply crazy. We have five wins from 8 games but have only really impressed in two of those games (Saints & Hudds), and this was negated to an extent by two extremely poor performances against bottom of the league outfits and the lesson in rugby we took from Wigan. Why has the club taken this decision now? I can't believe that there were clubs (or national teams) queing up to take him away from us!

As the club has already begun to do in the press release, no doubt you will be pedalling the line about Agar's renewal being good news regarding recruitment and retention of players since 'players want to know who their coach will be next year' and 'players are impressed with Agar's vision of the club' etc etc. Again, this is frankly nonsense, for example did Orford leave Manly for Bradford because he thought McNamara was a world class coach who would improve his game? Of course not, it was for the massive paycheck he's getting! The argument just doesn't wash, if I had signed a contract to work for a company headed up by Gerald Ratner, but before my contract began discovered that he had been replaced by Richard Branson I would be delighted, anyone with any sense would be!

The decision taken to renew Agar's contract is nothing short of cynical. With relegation no longer being an issue, our club turning a profit and season pass sales at a record high, there is simply no incentive at all to spend funds on a proven top-class coach. This is a travesty as everything else about the club is geared up for success, yet we refuse to invest in the most important element.

My phone this morning is awash with texts from Rovers fans expressing their delight at Agar's new deal, and for once I have to conceed they are right to laugh. I certainly would be if the roles were reversed. After our decline over the last two years, I was looking forward to the recruitment of a top class coach ahead of next season who would utilise the most up-to-date training methods and tactics to take us to the next level where we deserve to be. Sadly the club has let the fans down badly.