cinderella was thrown out of disney world.she was caught sitting on pinnochios face shouting lie you basterd lie.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a...ihg32h9gj0fk0kfkkkkkkfmmnnn273fbf111...

...FOR FUCKS SAKE KANYE LET GO OF THE KEYBOARD!

All Hull KR games have been moved to the gay adult channel, apparently the sight of 13 ar$3 holes getting hammered for 80 minuites was far to explicit for Sky TV

Tom visits Dave who's laid up at home with a broken leg.
Dave says "my feet are freezing mate, can you nip upstairs and get my slippers",
"No probs" said Tom.
Upstairs Daves stunning 19 year old twin daughters are sitting on there bed.
"Hello girls, Your dad sent me to sh@g you two,"
"Fook off you liar" they said,
"Ill prove it said Tom and he shouts downstairs,
"Both of them dave?" "Ofcourse! whats the point in Fookin one?!"

This is quality. I've just spat coffee all over the screen.

Quality

Supermarkets are only there so you buy things you don't need. Take for example, in the summer heatwave I bought 8 cans of dog food and when I got back to my car I discovered I didn't need it

Postman Pat, Postman Pat
Postman Pat and his unionised cat,
Early in the morning,
They're still in bed a-snoring,
And I'm wondering where's my post you f*****g t**t.

Wrong we were on the picket line

An old man sitting in a shopping centre watched a teenager intently.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange and blue. The old man kept staring at him.
When the teenager was tired of being stared at, he sarcastically asked, "what's the matter, old man? Never done anything wild in your life?".
The old man did not bat an eye when he responded, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondereing if you were my son."

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination
in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. )
These are genuine answers (from 16 year old boys)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well
endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs ....................................(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery ............. (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow ............................... (Jesus H Christ)

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and
the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:
A,E,I,O and U ........................................(What the *!!*???)

Q. What is the fibula
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium .................(That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure
A. A Roman Emperor ..................................(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport ..........................(Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face .........................(OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Sorry its still in the sorting frame............


But I can tell you your letter from the STD clinic is there .....................you have the clap

The packege marked "PHOTOS DO NOT BEND" ................. well I can tell yours did

There was a small package from the penis extension clinic, smallest package we have ever seen from there only 14p postage on it so we charged an extra £1.50

Oh and your giro is not there

Have a nice day

Genius!