I know its not the off season yet, but I have started to work on my best mans speech and wondered if anybody had any tasteful (or extremeley tasteless) jokes or ideas they have seen, heard or done that could help!?

Cheers in advance

Probably not relevant, but if its not the bride or groom's first marriage, try starting the speech off with something like, "Well....here we are again"

i used www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/speechhome.aspx

i used www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/speechhome.aspx

"well i just thought i'd prepare a few lines for today...

<sniiiiiiiiiffffffff>

nowthen lets gets started...."

lol

When I was best man, at the start of my speech I presented the groom with a referee's red and yellow cards.

I told him if I was getting too rude, hold up the yellow and I'd change topic,

If he wanted me to stop immediately, hold up the red.

The audience loved it. - I just ignored him through out.

There were a couple of times when the bride waved the red....!

"I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."


"I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."

The only time I was best man, I opened my speech with the line.........."Being asked to be D.....'s best man is a bit like making love to the Queen Mother...no one wants to do it but it is nevertheless considered to be an honour"

Of course I think she was still alive then (the queen mother that is), and as she's not now it might be considered to be in bad taste, you could always replace her with some one like the duchess of pork

' the meal was fantastic ...my compliments to the microwave'

' thanks to my best man, Dave , the folically challenged man , yes the guy who had a crew cut but the crew bailed out'.

How about,

"I've been told that a speech should only last for the same amount of time you can make love. In which case get yourselves comfortable we could be a while........ or go for so this won't take long!"

My friend who was a best man for 1 of our mates began his speech with
" well i have known J**** for many years now and we have our ups and downs and we have been round town and got off with a few women on a few nights? where upon the groom piped up and said"Yes and a few dogs"
Then upon hearing this the best man commented"Yes but im not marrying 1 of them" Lets just say her family was not amused but the table i was on where in stitches

Maybe not the best man but. My father-in-law stood up and told the whole place, " This lad has a heart of gold, many a time I've been driving home when it's been raining and I've seen him giving those poor girls down Waterhouse lane a lift "