A bloke goes to a fishmongers to pick up some fish for a BBQ. At the fresh fish counter he asks the assistant for two whole trout. The assistant picks two trout up and asked 'How would you like them sir?', to which he replied 'gutted please'. Without hesitating the assistant looks towards the fish and says 'you're both smelly and not worth as much as the cod.' He then turns to the man and says 'There you go mate, they're gutted!.'

Jesus, these are getting worse each time lol

The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.

The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.

Dear Jim
Can you fix it for me to go on a holiday with my bird without her parents getting all uppity about it....
From Jeremy Forrest aged 30

I started my new job as a bingo caller last night and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly.

My boss immediately came over and whispered in my ear, "Don't do that again."

"Sorry," I said, "It must be the nerves."

"Fair enough," he replied, "But there was no need to hold the microphone to your ar5e."

I was having a great time at the Nazi karaoke evening.

And then I went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like I love Jews.

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Peter's church in Shrewsbury have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy Green from Margate has written in to Points of view.

When will the madness end?

I had that Fatboy Slim voice on my SatNav. It was useless.

I just kept going around in circles because all the time it was: "Right here, Right now."

Fifty Shades Of Grey (Yorkshire Edition).....

After point blank refusing to fork out for any kind of love lube, he smeared her back doors in margarine and then began masterfully heightening her pleasure, until she screamed out aloud.....













"you tight sod, I can't believe it's not butter"

someone walked into Hudges office and said "do you have that list of next years passholders so far matey"

he teacher says, "OK class, I'd like you all to tell me what you need at home"

Susie says, "We need a computer"

Wendy says, "We need a car"

Johnny says, "We don't need anything Miss"

Teacher says, "Come on Johnny, everyone needs something?"

"No Miss, my sister came home with her new Hull KR supporting boyfriend and my Dad said 'That's all we f---ing need!'"