On a very foggy night Andrew Glover sets off from Leeds/Bradford airport in his helicopter (ok, just play along !) to go home . The pilot says " you'll have to help me out here a bit - i can't see a ruddy thing ". After about 10 mins AG says " hang on" and sticks his hand out of the window ... "we're in Huddersfield " he says ," i can feel the top of the Galpharm Stadium " . " Cheers" says the pilot & they carry on . This happens again - " we're in Wakefield now, i can feel the top of the cathedral " " Ok "says the pilot and again they carry on .
A couple of minutes later they try again , again AG sticks his hand out of the window ...." BALLS !" he shouts , "we're over Castleford " . " How do you know that ?" asks the pilot. " Ryan McGoldrick's just pinched my bloomin' watch !!"

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet
On the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said,
"I'm sorry, but your duck Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any
Testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes
Later with a Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement,
The dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and
Sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he
Returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also sniffed the bird from head to foot.
The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet then produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, cried "£150! ..... £150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"




The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry but if you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20,
But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."

BBC NEWS- Daughter and grandson born on same day The Castleford man was delighted at the birth of his twins.

The ultimate chatup line.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a gun
Now get in the van.

I was at the doctors the other day having a prostate examination, when he said, "Oh my God!"

"What is it Doctor?" I asked, mildly ting myself.

"You've mildly shat yourself," he replied.

Ikea.

Swedish for 'Missing Bolt'.

Pinocchio goes to the Hull KR board and asks, "Do you know how to make me a real boy? No they reply, "but we do know how to Sandercock"

Had to go to the doctors this morning suffering from an irrational fear of Gloria Gaynor. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...

Arrived home to find a pretty woman grouting the bathroom wall and singing 'It's a heartache, nothin' but a fools game.' I thought to myself, she's a bonny tiler.

Referees both sides of the globe.

Drop with the elbow (report), drop with knees (naughty watch your discipline).

Kermit keeps leaving pictures of Miss Piggy naked and in saucy poses.

Bloody frog's porn!

I asked a Cas fan if he had seen Rita, Sue and Bob too. He replied " I ain't seen the first one yet"

George Clooney is playing Kevin Webster in his new film.


Its called Oh she's eleven!

Just seen Kevin Webster in the garage working on a 14 year old escort

Calories (noun) - Tiny creatures that live in your wardrobe and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.