i accidently inflated my blow up doll with helium.

now she is playing hard to get

Man and woman on a first date in a pub. Early on after polite chit chat woman says to man, 'just going to use the facilities'. After a bit longer than he expected she returns. Man says to woman 'been for a crap?'

A psychiatrist conducted a group therapy session with 4 mothers. "You all have obsession..." To the 1st mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating and named your daughter Candy", to the 2nd mother, "Your obsession is with money and named your child Penny", to the 3rd mother, "Yours is alcohol and you named your child Brandy". At this point the 4th mother gets up, takes her son's hand and whispers, "Come on Dick, we're leaving

I see that the transitional government in Libya have told David Cameron that if they capture Gaddafi they'll put him where he can do no harm.

So that'll be in cas's forward line then!

The police are on the lookout for someone who has stabbed 6 people with knitting needles.

A police spokesman said that the culprit is following a pattern.

The fireman climbs the ladder to the bedroom of a burning house, where he finds a stunning brunette.

"Ah", he says, "you're the third preganant woman I've rescued this month"
"But I'm not pregnant", she replied
"You're not rescued yet"

I was in Minneapolis the other day...

Until Mr. Apolis returned home unexpectedly.

A married couple were at home watching TV.

The husband had the remote and was switching back and forward between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:

"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

CAS is the only place where you can marry four times and still have the same inlaws

did you hear about ted richardson being a kamakazie pilot....... he crashed into his brothers scrapyard!! arf

Two patients in the loony bin looking at the clock.

Loony one says to the Loony two " is that clock right"
Loony two says "yes"
Loony one says " well what's it doing in here then"

Two fish in a tank one says to the other 'can you drive this thing?'

Two snowmen in a field one says to the other 'can you smell carrots?'

My mates addicted to brake fluid. I had a word with him about it and he reckons he can stop at anytime.

The wife asked me 'when you're on a boys only trip away do you think about me?' Apparently 'only to stop myself coming to quickly' wasn't the right answer.

Two drug addicts snort curry powder by mistake,they are now in intensive care. One has a DODGY TIKKA and the other one is in a KORMA !

unsightly chest hair? Should've gone to pecshavers

2,500 season tickets to sell at a huge bargain price) before the end of September. If we as fans, care as much about our club as we say we do, and fail to achieve the target. we will be the laughing stock of the Super League. And this will be the biggest joke of all.