I bought my wife a smart car... It doesn't let her in.

In 2003 Johnny Wilkinson made himself a sporting icon for kicking a ball over a bar, funnily enough Emile Heskey has been doing the same thing for the last 15 years.

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband "I must confess darling, in my past, I was a hooker!".
He says "That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it?".
She replies "Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan!"

Wakefield fan goes for a job interview at a Blacksmiths.

The blacksmith asks "Have you ever shoed a Horse"

The Wakefield fan replies "No, but I once told a donkey to Feck off"

I got a letter from British Oragami Society...................But I don't know what to make of it.

Flubber says something interesting...

Barnsley man goes to to have a statue made of his dead dog, "does tha want it eighteen carrot?" asks the sculpter "ney yah daft bugger, I want him chewing on his bone"

A man walks into a pet shop and says, "I'd like to buy a wasp." The shopkeeper replies, "We don't sell wasps." The man says, "Oh - you had 2 in the window yesterday."

Same man says, "How much are your spiders?" Shopkeeper says, "70 quid." The man replies, "Never mind - I can get them cheaper off the web."

Two old ladies in a pub, one says lets go out for a smoke, ok says her friend.
When they get outside its raining so one old girl goes in her handbag pulls out a condom, cuts the end off and places it over her cig to keep it dry. Thats a good idea says her friend have you got another one? no says her mate so off she goes across the road to the chemist. I would like a condom please she says to the young assistant, the young lad decides to have a bit of fun with her and asks what size would you like ?
Oh she exclaim,s its to fit a camel.

News flash .Cable goes missing at HKR police suspect WIRE fans

I quite liked it!

Just been down to the pub. I had a ploughman's lunch. He was not impressed

dont think your cut out for this mate

How does every racist joke start?

With a look over your shoulder.