An estate agent parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off.

More than a little distraught, the estate agent grabs his mobile and calls the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the estate agent starts screaming hysterically:

"My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined, it'll simply never
be the same again!"

"You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."

"Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you." The estate agent looks down in absolute horror..........

"K'ING HELL!!!!!! he screams - "Where's my Rolex ?"

Why did the monkey put a piece of steak on his head?


He thought he was a griller.

My mate rang me and asked, "What are you doing at the moment?"

I said, "Probably failing my driving test."

What's the mating call for a moderator? "I think I'm drunk!"

It may be AUP PROOF but its not "me proof"

So play within the rules.

i asked a cas fan to see if my indicator working. he replied, "It is, it isn't, it is, it isn't, it is,..."

i asked a fev fan to see if my indicator working. he replied, "It is, it isn't, it is, it isn't, it is,..." and then as he ran off i realized my car was on bricks

A guy walks into a restaurant in Hull asking "Do you serve fish?"

The waiter replies "no"

the guy replies "well that's means my date has arrived"

Cheryl Cole has just released her new calendar.
That’s great, now all she needs is some work to put in it

Richard Agar asked to take a training session before he accepted his new job. He had all the first team Wakey players on the pitch and to start with asked them all to set up in their usual positions, they all walked off and stood behind the posts waiting for someone to take the converson. ( except for Luke George who ran to the treatment room as he thought it might be a contact session )

Driving past the Jungle and i saw a Cas 2012 season ticket nailed to a tree. I stopped the car and thought im having that.........

You can never have too many nails!

went to sunbed wholesalers the other week in manchester, a bloke at the tube counter in front of me says i need a 90watt tube for my tantaliser 900. me and the bloke behind the counter burst out laughing.

everyone knows you need a 95 watt tube for the tantaliser 900. what a burk!!!

bring on next week when my bronzeadonis 3000 arrives.

What do you call a Cas fan with a Wakey season ticket.......
Converted !

Three Fev fans and three Cas fans are travelling by train to the Challenge Cup final at Wembley. At Westgate station, the three Cas fans each buy a ticket and watch as the three Fev fans buy just one ticket between them.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Cas fans.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the Fev lads.

They all board the train and the Cas fans take their respective seats but all three Fev lads cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor arrives to collect the tickets, he knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Cas fans are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they decide to copy the Fev fans and save some money on the return trip.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip...but to their astonishment, the Fev supporters don’t buy a ticket at all !!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Cas fans.
"Watch and learn..." says one of the village dwellers.

When they board the train the three Cas fans cram into a toilet and soon after the three Featherstone scally's pile into another nearby toilet. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Fev lads leaves the toilet and sneaks across to the toilet where the Cas fans are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please..."

Started my new job as a bus driver in Manchester today but it didnt go too well .
This stunning blonde with huge firm tits got on and said "are you going to Oldham?" she didnt have to ask me twice !
Oh well back to the job centre tomorrow