Oranges are u taking the pith

A lemon says to an orange we need to talk come here and citrus elf down

Not strictly a joke but an observation that I found "funny".

If you had purchased £1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago it would now be worth £4.95, with HBOS, earlier this week your £1000 would have been worth £16.50, £1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than £5, but if you bought £1000 worth of Tennents Lager one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminium re-cycling plant, you would get £21.40.

I bet your financial advisor kept that to him/herself.

West indian in court for thumping his neighbor over the wall.

Judge says did you strike this man in defence.

West indian bloke says no I hit him in de face he fell over de fence

Trouble in lapland they tried to get rid of Santa but its ok he has a claus in his contract.

Bloke goes into sex shop looking for inflatable doll, there are none on display he asks bloke the price he says boxed £60.

Couple of days later he goes in and some are blown up, he sees the price of £70 he asks bloke why the difference he is told its inflation mate.

ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch!

edited: bad taste

Apparently the muslim places of worship are under threat from a new breed of devouring insect called a mosque eato

edited: bad taste

My mate has decided to go to the capital of iceland to sort out the bank disaster I am worried it will depress him so much I said, It will wreck u vic

edited: bad taste

A man 'phones work to tell his boss that he is sick.

How sick are you? asked the boss.

"Well", replied the man, "I'm sha99ing my grandma"

Full back is that a confession