There is very little activity on here due to the time of year so I've started this just for fun. Stick ur little jokes on just for a little fun!

What is the most common owl in Britain?

The 'Teet' 

Big Red,if I get in trouble with the mods it is your fault

On a recent trip to the United States , Tony Blair, Ex. Prime Minister of the UK , addressed a major gathering of Native American Indians. He spoke for almost an hour on his plans for a CarbonTrading Tax for the UK and Europe At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. A very chuffed Tony then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.. A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Tony Blair They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of that it can no longer fly.

Like!!

I think we could only get in bother with the mods if we go OTT and abusive. Keep em clean and we should be ok!

Be reet lads, go for it. Just try and improve the quality of the jokes

why did the mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila!

man goes to a bar and gets a pint he sees a bowl of peanuts on the side and goes to dig in then hears a voice that says "my aren't you handsome and you smell delightful" he then a bit confused reaches into his pocket for a cigarette then realizes he left them at home so goes over to the cig machine puts his money in and presses his selection then a voice again says "you are so ugly even your mother doesn't like you and you stink!" confused he walks back to the bar and asks the bar man whats the deal with the voices. the bartender says "sorry i should have told you the peanuts are complimentary but the cigarette machine is just out of order!"

A very successful lawyer parks his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he gets out, a truck passes too closely and completely rips off the door on the driver's side.

The lawyer immediately grabs his cell phone, dials 911, and within minutes a policeman pulls up. Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically that his Lexus, which he had just bought the day before, is now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally calms down a bit, the officer shakes his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he says. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asks the lawyer.

The cop replies, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screams the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?!"

Went asda with the girlfriend saturday and right out the blue she called me a lazy f**king t""t.

I almost fell out the trolly.

What do Mexicans put under their carpet?

Two flies eating a turd.

One fly farts, the other says "do you mind, i'm eating".

2 flies sat on Brian Nobles lip. One said I'll race u to the other side. Quick as a flash they set off. As the first fly got to the other side he was astonished to find his mate already there. How did u get here so fast? he asked.
I took a sort cut round the back of his head!!

Found my first grey pube today.

This sort of thing doesnt usually bother me but it was in a Greggs sausage roll!!

Let me think, joke, joke, how abouts ,

Woman's rights?

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee, and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.""Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!""Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all.""Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old."No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock -- no problem at all.""So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?""No, I have one every morning at 6:30."Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?""I don't wake up until 7:00."

I hate being bipolar, its amazing.