Just had a chinese. Nearly died when i seen a little pair of eyes looking out of the noodles. Turns out it was the peeking duck

I`m one of those people who like to read whilst having a dump.
This is also the reason why I am banned from WH Smiths.

whats everton and a 2pin plug got in common???
they`re both flippin useless in europe......

Boy asks his nan " Have you seen my pills, they were labeled 'LSD'?" Nan says " nevermind the pills , have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

Do you mean a three pin plug?

Teacher tells class make a sentance using the word dough. Little jane raises her hand " In Italy they make pizza using dough" "Very good says teacher" Little mary raises her hand " My baby brother makes dinosaurs out of play dough" "Excellent" says teacher. Little jonny raises his hand "My mummy says dad is useless so she has to use a dil dough"

stand corrected 3 pin plug...

A man walks into a chippy with a 30lb salmon under his arm.

"Excuse me love, do you have any fishcakes?"

"Sorry, sold the last one half an hour ago"

"Aww, that's a shame, it's his birthday"

quausimodo went into mensware and says;
have you got a suit to fit me,
if we have some fooker is gettin the sack came the reply.

A priest checks into a hotel and asks the receptionist 'i do hope your porn channel is disabled'

The receptionist looks up and replies 'no, its normal porn you sick wierdo!!'


Husband asks his wife why she never tells hin when she has an orgasm. 'I dont want to disturb you at work' she replies!!

This got Sydney laughing. Read it and you'll see why!

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.

Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.

The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet.

Anyway, here's how it all went down

DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touch tones…..ringing….)

Clerk: "Kinkos."

DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sarah: "No."

DJ: "Good!"

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"

Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."

DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah.

If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."

DJ: "What time?"

Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."

DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"

Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."

DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Where did you have it?"

Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"

Brian: "Just tell him, honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Well..."

DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?





Sarah: "Up the ....."

After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break"

And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!

Sorry it is so long!!!

viking god THOR comes to earth
and spends all weekend shaggin a women with a lisp,
monday morning he says too her i am THOR
she replies your THOR,
i cant even pith...................

but a 3 pin plug is usefull in Europe

Only if you have an adapter...