A waiter asks a man, 'May I take your order, sir?'
'Yes,' the man replies. 'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?'
'Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.

Whats the difference between Spurs and a triangle?

Triangle has three points, Spurs only have two.

2 jews walk into man utd ticket office and ask for season tickets. The woman behind the counter asks " are you circumcised?" They reply "yes of course" The woman then says "i'm sorry but you have to be a COMPLETE p**^k to be a man u supporter!!!

Does anyone want to buy a 42 inch plasma telly for fifty quid? The volume button is broke but for that price you cant turn it down..

Was in town on Saturday night and i saw this young girl sobbing so i went up to her and said "what are you crying for cock?" she said yes

david blaine is gutted that his record of doing f**k all in a box for 48 days has just been broken by robbie keane.

no its an old gag

One night, a Paddy was driving home drunk. Suddenly, he had to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, and another! A Police car pulls him over and Asks Paddy why hes swerving all over the road. The Man Tells him about the trees in the road. The Policeman Replies "Paddy, Thats Your Air Freshener..."

hes just netted richard head.......

this is crazy bad.


whats the difference between a dog and a flea?


dogs can get fleas but fleas cant get dogs!

took him long enough ball bag.....

Two Irish blokes walk into a pub eating sandwhiches.

Barman says "sorry, lads, you can't eat your own food in here"

So they swap butties

There were 3 slaves, an Aussie, a Chinese and an Irishman.

Their master pointed to a pile of sand and said, "Aussie man, you're in charge of shovelling this sand. Irishman you are in charge of scraping up the leftovers and Chinese man you are in charge of the supplies."

An Hour later the master came back and said "Why haven't you shovelled the sand?" The Aussie and the Irishman said "Because the Chinese man didn't give us any supplies." Just then the Chinese man jumped out of the hole in the sand and said "Surplise!"