a wigan lad has Piles and a sore bum so he goes to the shop and asks
"nah then lad, has thee getten any ass cream?"

shopkeeper sez "aye lad dus want a Magnum or a Cornetto

This might make more sense without the swear filter!!

Apparently it was on the news today that the pope has been in Jordan all day.

Well it hasn't taken her long has it?

Bloke bursts into the doctors surgery and says "Doc you have to help me I can't stop winning at dominoes and I am starting to lose all my friends" the doctor looks up and says "Don't you ever knock?".

man goes to the doctors and says
"Dr have you ever laughed at a patient?"

Doc replies

"no never, i have been doing this job now for 50 years and it would breach the high standards i set myself to laugh at one of my patients"

the man drops his trousers to show the Dr the tiniest little willy no bigger than an AAA battery.

The Doc starts to laugh hysterically and the man goes bright red.

The Doc then says
"im so very sorry, i am so embarrassed that has never happened before and i promise will never happen again, what is you problem then sir?"

Man to the Doc
"it's swollen"

A jewish man applies for a season ticket at wigan but was turned down on account he was circumcised.... apparently you have to be a complete knob to support them

A man goes to he doctors and says :
"Doctor , Doctor , My D**k is shaped like a rocket"
The Doctor asks , "What does your wife think ?"
The Man reples "Oh shes over the moon"

A cake decorations manufacturer is having to cut the number of staff due to the credit crunch. Hundreds and thousands are at risk.

Bloke goes into a chemist 3 condoms miss he says,
Dont miss me the assistant says,
ok says the man better make it 4......

Bloke goes into a chemist 3 condoms please,
any particular colour says the assistant,
Red,white and blue,he says.........




He goes back in several months later,
Can i have a maternity bra please,
what bust said the assistant?
the blue one ,came the reply..




Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed in a morning????



cos they hav nt got any bollox to scratch..

When Kermit the frog heard about swine flu, he regretted having sex with Miss Piggy without protection, what a ing Muppet.

Two fish sat on a perch,

One says to the other, " can you smell fish"??

dont know wether these have been said cos i cba reading through all 14 pages...

hows does micheal jackson pick his nose

from a catalogue

Whats the difference between Janet Jackson and the England cricket team?

Janet Jackson will be taking the ashes home this summer.

whats the difference between micheal jackson and alex ferguson

fegie will be palying giggs this august

What do you call a man with three balls?

a juggler