Remember when jurassic park was in,
One of mi nephews got a dinasaour (figure) for christmas on the box it said "MADE WITH REAL DINASAOUR SKIN" my mum had been on the sherry so i said look at this mum dinasaour made with real dinasaour skin,so she stroked it and said OH yes it has hasnt it....When was the last time you stroked a dinasour mum..

Was in the Blue Lion in Newton a couple of weeks ago on a leaving do, and left about 10pm to get the train back to Warrington. Got to the station and the train was delayed, so waited for about 10 mins, then a train turned up. There was no announcement so just got on it, sat down and waited. After a while, I was thinking to myself that this journey was longer than I thought, so I got off at the next stop and ended up getting off at Wavertree Technology Park.

There was no trains back so had to wait for one to go to Lime Street, then go back to Warrington. By this time I was busting for a pish, so went looking around for a bush (there was no toilets). Found a perfect place, but before I took it out, I started trickling.

Ended up having a nice pish mark all the way down my leg. However, instead of fretting about it and hiding it, I just stayed around, got the train, got to LIme Street and then ended up waiting around for the next train back to Wire. Got a few funny looks but bizarrely I wasn't bothered. I was actually quite proud how straight the line was! Got on the train, put my feet up and was back in Warrington before you know it. Ended up getting home just before midnight.

I think I was more embarrassed at the last Cardiff Millenium Magic. One of the games had finished and everyone was walking out, I forgot my coat. I rushed back to get it, and I was rushing back to catch up with everyone, I turned a corner and went slap bang straight into Terry O'Connor. I brushed him down, straightened his tie and apologised profusely! He just laughed it off and strolled away into the vicinity of the commentary box!

I've got loads so I'll start with something small and recent.

Left pub on Saturday slightly tipsy after the match and went to Tesco to get some food. I bought a chicken wrap, a Diet Coke and a Twirl chocolate bar. Went to pay at the self serve checkout and got through scanning the first two items. When I scanned the Twirl, for some reason the screen flashed up 'Assistance Required.' At which point I held the chocolate bar in the air and said quite loudly; "Do I need ID to buy this?"

Mates didn't let me forget it the rest of the night.

Tripping over a Muslim/Sikh woman who was kneeling down in Alton Towers yesterday knocking us both over

Oh yeah i forgot one.

I walked into Mcdonalds and asked for a cheese & onion pasty, the woman just looked at me weird

Completely forgot where i was

Snapped one of these once. Painful, and embarassing.

Some banjo strings are made to stretch...



Mi mate done his once blood everywhere i thought he had been slashed...

What do you call a Sikh in a night club, Dan Singh.

Hope you like these jokes, Amir all week.