I just got back from a weekend in Amsterdam and ended up lost in the red light district, anyway i found myself in a brothel and asked how much it would cost for humiliation? to which the madame replied £45, i said oh aye and what do i get for that, an England shirt she replied.

Surely an Amsterdam prostitute would deal in euros not in GBP.

Also I'm pretty sure its 50 euro... well for a decent one anyway.

Well that's what my mate told me anyway

Emile Heskey
David Beckham (being there)
Frank Lampard.....
we could go on

South African police have admitted having problems with drug dealers, thieves, and sex fiends during the world cup.

However, they say things should improve now John Terry’s family is heading home.

David Blaine is said to be gutted his record of doing nothing in a box for 42 days has been broken by Wayne Rooney

Why did the chicken cross the road?
According to FIFA it didn't!!!

Sports flash: Emile Heskey has just smashed a volley into the net! (Yes, he's crap at tennis too!)

Whats the difference between a teabag and the england team?
The tea bag can stay in a cup for longer!

And i thought mine were bad

Fabio Capello is pushing his trolley back to his car acroos Tesco's car park. he notices a little old lady carrying two very heavy shopping bags. "Can you manage?" he asks her, to which the lady replied "P#ss-off matey, you got them into all that crap, manage them you self"

whats the difference between england and aids??
aids will still be in africa tomorrow.!


Missing persons report - has any one seen wayne rooney?
description - lazy fat cun* went missing in africa 2 weeks ago

SEVERE WEATHER WARNING

Shower of $hite arriving from Africa, due this morning.

The FA have launched an inquiry to find out how a fan found his way into the England dressing room.......The fans have launched their own inquiry into how half of the team found their way into the England dressing room!!

lad rings up social services and says i dont want to live with my mum or dad they say why? kid says because they beat me they ask who do you want to live with he says the england team because they never beat anyone

Freddie Mercury is summoned into a meeting to see God. God says "Freddie, as you were such a good person and you've been like a breath of fresh air up here, I'm going to reward you by allowing you to be reincarnated. What would you like to go back to earth as..?"

"Oh thank you," says Freddie. "I'd like to go back as the England goal keeper."

"That's rather unusual," Says God. "May I ask why..?"

"Certainly," Freddie replies, "I'll have ten assholes in front of me, 50,000 pricks behind me and I won't be able to catch anything!"