Did you know that on the Canary islands there are no canaries?

It's exactly the same on the Virgin Islands - no canaries there either.

People said I'd never get over my obsession with Phil Collins. But take a look at me now.

Hahaha very good. Also a shame

There was a young man from Leigh,
Who said he would empty the sea,
Before it was noon,
And that was quite soon,
He said, "I'll finish it off after tea"

What part of Leigh was he from.?

Big Al, lives on Brewery Lane.

Ha, you got me there Charlie, which is the most optimistic part?

What's the difference between a hippo and Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

This made me laugh a lot. However be warned I am a weirdo so you may not share my amusement: https://twitter.com/mstrpotatohead/stat ... 51297?s=20

This made me laugh a lot. However be warned I am a weirdo so you may not share my amusement: https://twitter.com/mstrpotatohead/stat ... 51297?s=20

My wife suffers from a drinking problem.”
-
“Oh is she an alcoholic?”
-
“No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”

Quote Pumpetypump="Pumpetypump"This made me laugh a lot. However be warned I am a weirdo so you may not share my amusement: https://twitter.com/mstrpotatohead/stat ... 51297?s=20'" WOW that is absolutely brilliant! I was howling, as the tweeter put, THE CHRUS hahahaaa

Quote Pumpetypump="Pumpetypump"This made me laugh a lot. However be warned I am a weirdo so you may not share my amusement: https://twitter.com/mstrpotatohead/stat ... 51297?s=20'" WOW that is absolutely brilliant! I was howling, as the tweeter put, THE CHRUS hahahaaa

One morning a little old lady wanders into a local fishmongers and asked for a piece of cod, the Fishmonger said I'm sorry Madam we are out of cod till tomorrow come back then , ok said the lady and goes on her way.
Around lunchtime she comes back in and the Fishmonger says what can I get you Madam, I'd like a nice piece of cod please, sorry Madam as I've already said we won't have any in till tomorrow come back then. ok she says and wanders off.
Later in the day at closing time she comes in again and the Fishmonger rolls his eyes and asks exasperatedly what would like Madam. I'd like a nice piece of cod please.
How do you spell cod madam? c o d she replied, no it isn't it's spelled c o f d said the Fishmonger.
She thinks about it for a minute and then says there is no f in cod! The Fishmonger replied that's what I've been trying to tell you!