Bloke from Barnsley with a sore h0le asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell ar5e cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, magnum or cornetto?"

Great additions those! Made me laugh at least. Let’s try to get this thread as long as the other more depressing ones please

I like jokes about eyes.

The cornea the better.

I entered an erection competition last week.

I got to the semi

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg.

I thought: ‘This could be interesting

Drunk on his way home from the pub late at night. feeling randy, the only thing he could see with a hole was a lorry parked up for the night.Desperate he gave it a good one and carried on home satisfied.Next day he went to his doctor with a black penis. Doc says I have checked you out and I am sorry to say you are HGV positive.. say you are HGV positive.

Two blondes walk into a building.

You'd think one of them would've seen it.

How do you circumcise a Cas fan?

Kick his sister in the jaw!

Yorkshire version of creation:
On t'first day, t'world were covered i' darkness and God said "let there be leet" and there was leet an' ya could see fer miles.
On t'second he created Yorkshire an' called it his own country.
On t'third day he created Yorkshireman to look after t'land and t'crops.
On t'fourth day he created Yorkshire lass to be a companion an' mek Yorkshire puddings.
On t'fifth day he created t'North Sea so they could have fish 'n chips.
On t'sixth day he wor running out of ideas so he created Lancahire.
On t'seventh day he said "by heck after all this work I need a rest."

God went missing for six days.

The Archangel Gabriel found him resting on the seventh day.

“What have You been up to?’’ he said.

“I’ve created the planet Earth and it will be a place of great balance,’’ said God.

“How do you mean?’’ said Gabriel and God explained.

“North America would be wealthy and South America would be poor.

"Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there a continent of black people. There will be places that are hot and places that will be cold.’’


Gabriel was impressed and pointed to an area in England and said: “What’s that?’’

“That,” said God: “is Yorkshire, the most glorious place on Earth. There will be beautiful lakes, streams, rivers and hills, great music, architecture and sporting giants. The people from Yorkshire will be modest, intelligent and witty. They will be sociable, hard working and high achievers. They will be known throughout the world as diplomats and peace-makers.’’


Gabriel gasped in admiration, thought for a moment, and said: “But what about balance? You said there will be balance.’’

“Ah,’’ said God, nodding sagely. “Let me tell you about Lancashire

"I saw a dyslexic Yorkshireman the other day. He was wearing a cat flap."

Stanley decided to lookup his friend Alf, who was a tight-fisted Yorkshireman. He found Alf at his bungalow in Huddersfield stripping the wallpaper from the dining room. Rather obviously, he remarked, "You're decorating, I see." To which Alf replied, "Nay Stanley lad, I'm moving 'ouse to Bradford."