Russian biscuits have been banned since the Putin on a Ritz scandal.

If that's true then explain why when I sneaked in the kitchen, I found these on the unit by the kettle?

I've read with great interest the theories regarding the lack of a convincing performance from the Tealady.

For me it's a simple as returning to basics, to simple patterns and processes to rebuild confidence.

Trying to run before you can walk with pyramid, circular or even square bags is not going to embed discipline, throw teapots, boilers, boiling water taps etc and we're gong to get the same week in week out, twenty minutes where all seems fine but the first spillage causes utter panic.

Its time the management realised that pot, leaves and kettle are all that's needed. Once the basic patterns are established you can push on, even add lemon or look at Earl Grey, but to trying restore confidence via those routes is pure folly.

In an astonishing reversion to standard PR "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative" tactics, SF today said that our tealady would be the underdog to the Dewsbury Tealady, however if lots of the best fans in the world turned up and supported her, that would inspire her on to the best teas of the day, and indeed for the rest of the season, resulting in her promotion to chief tealady at Harewood House.

... where the squad will be taken for afternoon High Tea as a reward. They are going to call it Ferres Bulls Day Off.

People have been banned for less than that.

I did ask the Tealady if she thought the one legged, one eyed, bald, part time tealady from Dewsbury would be able to get one over on her this week, she replied.
"I have put a lot of effort into training this week and it has gone well, i have learnt from the lessions from the poor brew i produced during the last match and don't make fun of the less well off Tealadys"

Thats me told

yes but oolong will it be before she is in the pu-er again?

Sounds like things are really getting strained in the tea department.

Interesting that the tea was much nicer this week. Although the first few cups were as normal they seemed to improve markedly once she remembered that the catering manager was off ill.

Brilliant! I've just spat tea all over the keyboard laughing at that!

I think the calls to the tealady and the manager "for coffee" will simmer down for a week or so.

There is a rumour that James Childs sneaked a cuppa before the match but mistakenly used salt instead of sugar