Thank you FA. You are truly a wonderful and very handsome man.

Could beat top score but no access to a pc last night

Yes me too.

Final standings on the goalkickinghttps://i.imgur.com/zoTsdVh.png" >

Credit to debaser for whatever it was he did. As he did try something, even if his score was amongst the worst in history, it is probably worth a point.

So the scores awarded, and the standings after the first round, given that no bribes to the contrary were received, are as followshttps://i.imgur.com/rzIfNuE.png" >

To give you something to do over the holidays, I am puting up the next two rounds together, so you have no excuse.
_________________________________

Round 2

As clearly none of you know anything at all about the round ball league, your task for this round is to predict the scores of Saturdays Barbies League games

There is a maximum of 6 points per player available in this round. The winner gets 6, the worst predictor gets 1, and the rest distributed accordingly in order of merit.

I want predictions (a) home win or draw or away win
and (b) your prediction of the score

So if you think Stoke will win 10-9 you can put H 10-9
Etc.

I will work out the standings on the following formula
Correct outcome - 3 points
Correct home goals - 4 points
Correct away goals - 4 points
Bonus for an all-correct outcome and scoreline - 5 points

DEADLINE FOR ENTRIES 12 noon Saturday. Anything posted after that will not count.

Saturday 26th December 2015
BARBIES PREMIER LEAGUE
Stoke v Man Utd
Aston Villa v West Ham
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace
Chelsea v Watford
Liverpool v Leicester
Man City v Sunderland
Swansea v West Brom
Tottenham v Norwich
Newcastle v Everton
Southampton v Arsenal


Round 3

In no less than 100 words write a Rugby League related news report, story or match report which must contain all 10 of the following words or phrases

nihilarian
Matt Orford
widdershins
parsnips
lamprophony
Nigel Wood
floccinaucinihilipilification
scopperloit
underpants
widdiful

Deadline for Entries - 23

Round 2

Jeez. Football? Didn't they decide who won this last year?


BARBIES PREMIER LEAGUE
Stoke v Man Utd H 2 - 1
Aston Villa v West Ham A 0 - 3
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace D 1 - 1
Chelsea v Watford H 3 - 0
Liverpool v Leicester D 2 - 2
Man City v Sunderland H 5 - 0
Swansea v West Brom A 1 - 0
Tottenham v Norwich H 1 - 0
Newcastle v Everton A 3 - 1
Southampton v Arsenal A 4 - 2

Round 3

Last Sunday (about 5 years ago) whilst carrying out his Nihilarian within the Iconic RFL ground previously known as ‘the hole in the ground’, Matt Orford (with lamprophony) stated that through a semi-arousing Scopperloit gained through watching an adult video of Nigel Wood inserting parsnips with floccinaucinihilipilification, a “can’t be d” attitude, and a homesick heart; that he would not be playing the second half unless everyone (including the widdiful crowd) stripped to their underpants. When this was rejected he promptly threw an enormous tantrum and returned to the antipodes’, Widdershins, to mope like the spoiled little Jessie he is.

(Apologies about grabbing the low-hanging fruit here. Thought I would get it in first...)

Round 2


BARBIES PREMIER LEAGUE
Stoke v Man Utd 1 - 1
Aston Villa v West Ham 0 - 2
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace 1 - 3
Chelsea v Watford 4 - 0
Liverpool v Leicester 2 - 3
Man City v Sunderland 3 - 1
Swansea v West Brom 0 - 0
Tottenham v Norwich 1 - 0
Newcastle v Everton 2 - 2
Southampton v Arsenal 1 - 3

Best player in the league by miles and I'm joint last. How do I submit a transfer request?

edit: I'll miss the spectators if I leave. Particularly the ones who are on my team.

Round 2

BARBIES PREMIER LEAGUE
Stoke v Man Utd 1-1
Aston Villa v West Ham 1-2
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace 2-2
Chelsea v Watford 2-1
Liverpool v Leicester 1 -1
Man City v Sunderland 4-0
Swansea v West Brom 0-0
Tottenham v Norwich 3-1
Newcastle v Everton 1-2
Southampton v Arsenal 1-2

Round 3

It was the day the Bulls fans dreamed of since the first rumours were aired, the signing of mercurial half back Matt Orford! Although he was no higher than Dean Widdershins, he was full of lamprophony with a kicking game that could land the ball on the tips of parsnips. The season started brightly enough Orford the main man dragging a team that had been put together cheaper than previous years to 4th in the table, with a memorable victory against wigan in the bag too.

But then the dreaded injury came and the situation quickly turned sour. With a scopperloit nihilarian of an agent who had no care for a contract both him and Orford were widdiful. It was then every bulls fan to a man had the same floccinaucinihilipification of both these horrible creatures. Both these scumbags who took our beloved club to the brink will never be deemed any better than the dry, sweaty, skid mark, sweetcorn filled stains in the bottom of Nigel Woods Underpants.

Soooo. Say I thought the away team would win by 2 goals to 1 do I put "A 2-1" or "A 1-2"?

Apologies I missed the first round.

Here is round two. I will post round 3 later.

Stoke v Man Utd draw 1-1
Aston Villa v West Ham draw 1-1
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace away - Palace 1-2
Chelsea v Watford home - Chelsea 3-1
Liverpool v Leicester draw 2-2
Man City v Sunderland home 2-0
Swansea v West Brom home 2-1
Tottenham v Norwich home 2-0
Newcastle v Everton draw 2-2
Southampton v Arsenal away 0-3

Round 2

Saturday 26th December 2015
INSECT BATTLEDROME PREMIER LEAGUE
Stoke v Man Utd A 1-2
Aston Villa v West Ham A 1-2
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace 2-2
Chelsea v Watford H 1-0
Liverpool v Leicester A 1-2
Man City v Sunderland H 3-1
Swansea v West Brom 1-1
Tottenham v Norwich H 3-1
Newcastle v Everton A 1-2
Southampton v Arsenal A 1-2


Round 3

Matt Orford gazed down morosely at the shrivelled Parsnip in his hand. Despite a near fevered bout of scopperloit endeavour, he had come to realise that coaxing life from his lying, contract ignoring wang was the preserve of a nihilarian. It died the day he’d walked out on the Bradford Bulls and no fervent manipulation had been able to resuscitate his stricken Knight. He would have to face the facts; Sir Percy was dead. He lifted his eyes to the mirrored ceiling, cheeks burning with shame. From that angle you could have been forgiven for being unaware that he was a vile portly dwarf with zero scruples, but in his heart he knew that no quirk of reflection could truly disguise his myriad flaws.

He sighed deeply and begin to pace his room in his underpants, around the foot of the bed, past the chest-of-drawers, beyond the blackened area he called ‘Carvell corner’ where he burned his contracts, and back to the bed. He picked up a Rugby League magazine and idly flicked through the pages until his interest was piqued by a two page article about Airships and blimps. He smiled quizzically at the strange notion of a blimp with a face and sat down on the bed in confusion. On closer inspection, the article was in fact a two pager on Nigel Wood. A mistake which Orford, normally one to self-flagellate, forgave himself for.

The general consensus was that any man who’s marketing genius extended to re-naming a Rugby League team “Blue sox” was widdiful and ill-equipped to look after a cat let alone the RFL, but to Orford there was something about that enigmatic smile that pleased him; An allure he could not deny about Nigel’s startling resemblance to a pork pie with limbs. Without realising that his hands had once again strayed, Orford had begun to windmill in a widdershins fashion and to his surprise Sir Percy had risen from the dead. Could it be that walking out of contracts was not in fact his first love? Could it also be that his floccinaucinihilipilification of his sickly protuberance was premature? As his arms pumped viciously like the pistons of an onanistic steam train, he bellowed with great lamprophony “I love you Nigel Wood”.

Has Gyles Brandreth hacked your account Pumps?

Bravo!