Fellow walking down the street feeling incredibly horny, decides to visit the local Prossy on the street corner, Gets there and goes up to her and says" I'm desperate for some action, but I've only a pound coin, can you help me"? Sure she says, " for a pound I'll drop my drawers and you can stick your tongue between my legs and enjoy yourself" So, down he goes, after a minute he swallows a piece of Potato, hmm he thinks, but as he's enjoying the experience, onwards to goes. After another minute, he swallows a piece of carrot, hmm he again thinks, but again he Carrie's on. Another minute he swallows a piece of meat.. so now he has to ask about this. He says to her" Only been at it for 3 minutes and I've swallowed a piece of Potato, then Carrot, then some meat..What's up?" She replies, " Oh that. Well the fellow before you, was sick"

A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!"

So are the ones on pantomimes.....

A Yorkshire man's wife died, and he decides to have a simple headstone. It was just to have her name, the year she was born, the year she died, and the phrase 'Lord she were thine.'
The stonemason agreed to make it, but the first time the man visited the grave he saw it read 'Lord she were thin.'
He rang the stonemason and shouted 'you daft bugger, you left the e off!'
The stonemason agreed to fix it. The man returned to the grave a week later, and it now read 'E Lord she were thin.'

E, that’s an old un, best told by the Barnsley Bard, Ian McMillan.

An old Yorkshire man lies on his deathbed, breath laboured, visibly weakening.

"Is my wife here?" he asks.

"Yes Alan, I’m here standing next to you darling." she answers.

"Are my children here?" he asks.

"Yes, dad, we’re here." they answer.

"Are my grandchildren here?" he asks.

"Yes, granddad, we’re all here." many small voices answer.

"Then why is the light still on in the kitchen?"

****Work Begins On Bulls New Stadium****

On no they're not...

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

Heard a funny one over the weekend.Strangely enough I'd recently heard if before.
''Jake Webster to Keighley Cougars''

The Queen hosts a garden party in Scotland. When the Scottish waiter arrives with a tray of cakes, she asks, "Is that a scone, or a meringue?"

The waiter replies: "Naw, yer quite right, that's a scone."

I went to a fortune-teller and asked if I was going to ever get sent to prison in my future.

"No" she said, so I robbed her.

A man walks into a library and asked if they had any books about suicide. The librarian says "Have a look at the end of Row S, top shelf".

The man goes over, and then in a minute, he comes back. "I had a look, but the whole shelf is empty".

"Ah, yes", says the librarian, "...no fkcer ever brings 'em back"

I heard facebook had published a list of 71 genders, but when I looked there was only 70!

Someones hidden a gender if you ask me

(probably sam smith haha)

Sadly the biggest / best joke i know is our club.