Well, if nothing else is, the quality of stirring seems well up to standard......

I think the tea lady has to take some blame. Regardless of the instruction she is been given by the stall manager, I think she is experienced enough at making tea to be able to make tea properly, and there are enough experienced tea makers working on the stall to be able to step up and make tea properly too. I mean they make tea all the time, all week long. They should be able to make a decent cup by now.

I'm not sure the stall manager is communicating how he wants the tea to be made clearly enough. And the buck must stop with him, despite the tealady making starting to make nice tea before dropping a cup, having a little cry, and then constantly making awful cuppas for the rest of her shift.

And, of course, all the people waiting in the queue for a cup of tea should not moan about the quality of the tea, and should instead keep cheering the tealady and buying more tea, despite it being just awful.

I've enjoyed this thread a lot, but that is my favourite line yet

She got plenty cups. Most she never use. She got milk. She got sugar. She got sweeteners, She got kettle. She got teapot.

But she got no bambklat spoon to make it all go around, da man say we don't need no spoon

I think everyone is missing the point here. You see, none of the players drinks tea anymore. They insist on cappuccino, latte or mocha with a penchant for Colombian blends. A serious caffeine fix just before kick-off and at half-time should do the trick.

However, I fear we will have to replace dear old Doris with a top quality barista from Costa. I hear that Manuel at Costa's in Leeds is not happy with the deal he has been offered for next season and is looking for a lucrative move.

On the downside, our Head Caterer has publicly stated that "he doesn't need a barista" and has the full backing of the Board of Directors.

It's true. Nandos is dead. Long live the Tong Street Costa.

Indeed. I live not all that far from there and never realised Tong St had gone so far up-market!

It's not up-market quality. It's up the back of the market quality.

Oh, I've not been in - it looks far too expensive for me..

It's very important the tea lady seeks advice if her position is being made untenable by board interference she shouldn't just leaf but barista's don't come cheap, do they do no win no fee?

No but the players get No Win No Tea.

They're pretty dehydrated

Tealady has been informed not to serve Custard creams with the pre match cuppa as it seems to be slowing them down, an alternative of a lighter Rich tea has been suggested.

I do hope the rich tea biscuits have been checked by the relevant authorities; I don't want aspersions being cast if this leads to a sudden improvement in form..

As long as they do not have Russian writing on the side then I think we will be ok.