The scores are in. The guest judge for the final is General Norman Schwarzkopf, commander of the Gulf War forces, and now heads up the US's highly secretive anti-zombie force, ZEBRA (Zombie Evasion, Battle and Resistance Army)
Terrace singer
1) Take chairs apart and beat them with them.
[iSimple, effective action. However also almost totally useless, should be last resort before noble death. For bravery - 8[/i
2) Get the bulls players to charge them down
[iIn the best traditions of the forces, tell other people to get killed, and anticipate unquestioning acceptance. The core of military ethos, Sir, ever since the Charge of the Light Brigade and before. An obvious 10.[/i
3) climb up the pilons and kick them off when they climb up
[iNot thought through. Whilst superficially attractive, the contestant would soon lose energy and die as an unlimited number of zombies exhausted him. A shame. The entry had potential, had a means of escae been added such as a helicopter. Half marks as half-baked. 5.[/i
4) go over to the tunnel and scare them with the bulls red eyes.
[iI have consulted with my top experts in zebra and this is one method of zombie-repellance that they have not tried. It could work. Would have been 4 therefore as it has potential, but how do you get there from the Coral Stand? Therefore 2.[/i
5) Start singing rugby songs to scare them away.
[iClearly effective, and brilliant. Sadly given unlimited numbers, there must be deaf zombies, who would not be thus deterred. You needed to have a plan for the deaf ones. So 3.[/i
6) hide under the chairs
[iIf still alive after step 1) (unlikely), sadly there are no chairs as you broke them all. 1 point.[/i
7) die
[iThe ultimate zombie avoidance gesture. Not quite what I was looking for and a tad defeatist, but worth 1.[/i
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9) die
[iOr three times. 0[/i
10) die
[iOr four. 0[/i
Bullinenemyland
1. Don't get bit by zombies on entering the Coral stand- this should be the fall back plan should any of steps 2-9 fail!!!
[iWell, it's good advice, but is it a
plan? I need to know HOW you don't get bit by zombies. 2.[/i
2. Lock the doors of every entrance to the building - I know this sounds obvious but Zombies don't tend to knock and wait for permission to enter so I'd say this is a simple and effective tactic to slow their progress.
[iThis is a good delaying tactic, plus would provide some great shots of the zombies smashing their way through the locked doors. Not an escape plan, but the beginnings of one. 6.[/i
3. Change into my specially prepared clothing and footwear from my Zombie Apocalypse survival bag (oh yeah, I always carry one) - In this case I've chosen a high quality running shoe and a "where's wally" outfit. How many times have you struggled to find wally? Well now imagine you're a zombie... i might as well have an invisibilty cloak!!!
[i10 points. How did you get hold of one of our top secret AZ bags???? You will soon be extradited to answer for this)[/i
4 Arm yourself - Find weapons which you could crush the heads of the walking dead. Baseball bats and thankfully i've packed on in my zombie survival bag.
[iYou're giving our secrets away, but 5.[/i
5. Look for survivers - you will need the support of others but avoid overweight chubby people where possible.... they tend to be slow and moan a lot so sacrifice them and give the zombies so fresh meat. The bigger the sacrifice the longer they will take to consume!!!
[iA clear 5.[/i
6. Stay hydrated - Head to the Trevor Foster bar and load up on bottles of spirits and water - water for long term survival and the spirits to use as flaming weapons onto the living dead from the balconies overlooking the pitch. Nibbles such as crisps and nuts could also help with hunger.
[iThis man is a military genius. 5[/i.
7. Find food by any means necessary - its going to take a while for the government to find you... (they bearly know where Bradford is so good luck on locating a rugby league ground) so you'll need some food. Luckily Omar has loads of Curries and Sundries in supply for the upcoming events so everyone can eat well before suffering a day later on the bogs!
[iGood thinking, but no direct effect on zombie avoidance. 2.[/i
8. Ensure everyone stays together - split the group up at your peril. become group leader and command everyine to stay in the murrayfield suite.
[iLovin your command structure. 4.[/i
9. Man up - there are going to be some casualties and if anyone happens to be bit i'd have to kill them before they killed me. For additional safety, consider killing those not bit as well. It means there is less chance of them being turned and it sends a message out to the thick ones that you mean business.
[iThis. 5.[/i
10. Once you've killed everyone, go insane and start to decide if its better to kill yourself or be turned. In this case i think i'd take a positive approach. Zombies look like they're having a good time so what the hell, why not join them.... unlock the doors and jump on the bandwagon, just like all the millions of facebook and twitter users out there!!!
[iPah. Communist, defeatist claptrap. I was thinkin we might make somethin of you boy, then you come up with that commie claptrap. Zero.[/i
Lucky Luke
1. Get Terrace Singer to perform one of his songs.
[iI had a listen via a Menwith Hill satellite recording. We will use this. 10.[/i
2. Become invisible by pretending to be Nick Zisti.
[iMenwith Hill supplied me some old Bradford match videos. We will use this. 10.[/i
3. Put my coat on backwards – this will make the zombies think I am running away.
[iEh? I have no idea what that means, son, but you sure confused the hell out of me so 8.[/i
4. Dress up as a clown. Zombies won’t eat them as they taste funny.
[iLol. 5.[/i
5. Send out a call for Captain Anagram and let his magic powers turn the Zombie Apocalypse into a lacy bosom. Zippee!
[iWho is this Capt Anagram? Is he Black ops? Not on the CIA special agent register. Doubtful real-life effectiveness. Needs further research. 3.[/i
6. Invite the zombies into my living room.
[iUnlikely to be an attractive alternative to providing you with a gruesome end. 1.[/i
7. Tell the zombies that I am delighted to see them as my hobby is necrophilia.
[iUnlikely to deflect them from providing you with a gruesome end. 1.[/i
8. Stand in a bucket of custard, cover myself with cream and put a cherry on my head. That will show the zombies that I am not a man to be trifled with.
[iUtter genius. Should have put this at number 1. You could hide from the zombies and be covered infood and hydration as well. Likely to remain effective until long after the zombies have moved on. 5.[/i
9. Shout and shout until I am a little ho – then let Mystic Eddie saddle me up and ride me off into the sunset.
Who is this mystic eddie? And I hopeyou're not suggetin anythin deeeeee-generate there. Not on my watch son. Anyhoo, [iShouting has sadly proved totally ineffective in all zombie tests to date. 1.[/i
10. Poke a Leeds fan with a sharp stick whilst chanting ‘you should have taken the two’. This won’t stop the apocalypse but it will make the last few minutes on earth quite satisfying.
[iTrue. Not very effective but amusing and worth 2.[/i
