That's very good.

What do you call a judge with no thumbs?


Justice Fingers.

What do you do if you see a spaceman?


Park the car man.

Quality old school jokes...

Bloke goes into a pub with a pork pie on his head. Barman looks at him funny and asks "why do you have a pork pie on your head?" Bloke replies "its Wednesday i always wear a pork pie on my head on a Wednesday" Barman looks confused and says "but its Tuesday", First bloke says "Oh no, i bet i look a right fool"

A drunk goes into a bar and says "Anyone here own a 6ft penguin?"

Everybody says no.

The drunk says "Ah crap. I've run over a nun"

Woman goes into a top department store and buys a mink coat.
Another customer asks her if she knows how many poor dumb animals have contributed to her purchase.
"Just one" replied the purchaser " and its his credit card"

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Cause he kneaded a poo.

What does Speedy Gonzalez have under his carpets?

Underlay Underlay


Did you here about the landlord shot dead in his pub cellar?

The Drayman is the prime suspect he gave him both barrells.


My brother's just got a job in a bowling alley.

It's not tenpin it's permanent.

A mate of mine told me he was humping his girlfreind and her twin. I said, "How can you tell them apart". He said, "Her Brothers got a moustache"