They paid for my all expenses trip to Bora Bora with the missus. We had our own jumbo jet painted in Bulls colours with "Iconic Airways" along the side.

Nigel and Ralph served me drinks on the beach for a fortnight.

Great blokes those RFL guys.

Goes without saying haha

All I got was a bike.

Come on, those Harley's cost a bomb since Trump started all the trade wars..

I had thought we were all keeping this quiet and didn't realise that the other Rugby League clubs knew about the RFL Iconic Superfan Fund... I guess now the cats out of the bag I might as well own up to how I [delwasted[/del spent my £3k allocation.

Firstly, I treated myself to a new tattoo... I've never been inked up before so I wanted to think carefully about what to choose; nothing too cheap or tacky. So after a few seconds weighing up the options I opted for the landscape of Mount Rushmore on my lower back, but instead of Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt and Lincoln I had the faces of Nigel Wood*, Ralph Rimmer, Brian Barwick and Ian Lenagan, all four being such thoroughly good decent blokes in their own rights... pioneers ahead of their time some may say. I mean who else would have put so much thought and planning into destabilising a well supported and well known club through a series of points deductions and unreasonable funding cuts whilst rewarding (buying off) the clubs supporters with a cash windfall!!!

The remaining cash was spent on purchasing the rights for the toxic wasteland adjacent to our iconic stadium home. This way when the RFL inevitably name Odsal as its new home (which it surely will, I mean where else are they going to relocate to???) then they will have no option other than to buy it off me at a super inflated cost landing me a small fortune

That said, there is a risk that this doesn't happen and I get stumped with the cost for de-contaminating the land at my own personal cost... but my sources at Red Hall have assured me that everything is fine and that their move to a world class sporting facility is "in the bag"!!!

*Just out of interest, if you want the tattoo artists details give me a shout... he's done a cracking job turning my crack and bum cheeks into Big Nige's massive man breasts!!!!

Thanks to the RFL my conservatory guttering has just been cleared, my hedges have been trimmed, and the entire slope has been landscaped flat so that the hot tub I ordered from the RFL's account can be airlifted into my back garden safely. I promised big Nigel that he could join me on my first venture into the hot tub, but I fear his body mass will displace too much water out of the bath and that would be a waste of heating. I wonder how he'll react when he realises I've broken my promise in favour of my fianceé and a bottle of processco.

I'm starting to feel a bit ripped off by my RFL Bobble Hat...

Well the RFL game me the money to purchase Tiger Tots Towers along with staff and I rent it and them back to him for a reasonable fee as long as he keeps on supporting the Bulls in his own inimitable way or the price triples! He doesn't know it's me as I bought in via a Shell company that also sells fuel!

But we're not now, are we, champ? I assume that fact is what is eating you up
Good luck.