I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

I have two goals:

1) To be a 2@

2) Not being a 2@ to anybody in particular.

Difficult to achieve both. Here's my proposed solution:

The next time there is a wordy argument simulated versions of the participants will be joining in.

Sort of like a modern take on Hamlet, as a gynaecologist? Interesting concept

A simulated Pumpetypump postThoughts? Woooosh over the "top" teams periodically. I totally agree she is completely fair game to fill in at 6 or...not.There seems a logic to it but haven't felt the wind is wrong the smell of the art purpose built stadium plays havoc with my hand. Maybe after the ball behind him to randomly message me about it. In Wigan's close run thing, the Wigan players were seen to get accepted by these motley crew. My opinion is that it is on message but on the back and George retain his wing spot.'"

Yes I think that's more than fair. I'm quite intellectually lazy, so my posts will be short streams of consciousness, from which I hope some sense can be gleaned.

Unless I'm writing a stream of consciousness that deliberately contains no hidden depths.

A little-known fact is that your "conscious mind" is just a tiny interface with the outside world, maybe a couple of percent of your total neurons, for the overwhelming majority that is really in charge, the subconscious.

You may think you're in charge- but you'd be wrong.