Combine them all together and it's the double of your mum.

FACT. End of.

Obviously not as good as Tichy’s attempt – he must have spent ages on Photoshop – mine was knocked up in a few minutes.

But that is genuinely a picture of me so if I find out that it has ended up on some paedo’s hard drive I’ll mince their manhood, make burgers out of it then pretend to be a God botherer with a BBQ, stand outside the Skyrack and had them to ed up students.

This is a recent one of me. Just after i'd worked on the pecs.

You are all allowed to use this for pleasurable purposes, but you have to send me a shot of you finishing over it.

Loz, you have to be wearing your red thong when you send me yours.

You is one handsome mo-fo - it’ll be a toss up (literally) if it’ll be this pic or Tichy’s Photoshoped version that I’ll be holding come the vinegar stroke.

Hasn't JJB got kids? How on Earth did he get someone to sleep with him?

Well you were born so i guess that's another of lifes little mysteries!!

Ask yourself the same question (that is if someone has slept with you)

I can assure you that that is me, I have no reason to make it up.

In fact the whole purpose of me being more accessable to the general population on Southstander is so I can attend the Curry night and buy everyone a drink.

Really matey, I don't mind at all if you want to buy me a drink - just leave it behind the bar at Ronnies and I'll pick it up tonight - cheers.

P.S. If you've not already had a PM from Ricky then you're not in the 'Inner Circle'

Ask your mum.

I didn't mean you, I would not take any satisfaction from feeding your habit, in fact like the tramps I pass in the street, I will give you a Snickers.