You won't need an inoculation from any of those diseases as you are from the modern age and mankind has developed immunity from them now, sometime in the next fifty years or so, then so will Castleford.

This is quite correct for Castleford does not have lions.

Surprisingly though, it does have giraffes.

Beware of any moustachioed bretheren of said town tempting you spend your hard-earned cash in exchange for favourable time with their sister , mother , daughter , aunty , niece , cousin , and gran . It is NOT a feast of debauchery with numerous ladies related to him . Those fair maidens are one and the same .

Although the six-fingered shuffle is apparently quite an experience from one of the aforementioned 'ladies' .

Don't travel in a Delorean, you'll be disappointed after the initial high of thinking it worked.

A massive improvement since my last visit.

Mr field. When I lost my mobile phone I made it my life’s worth not to get one too fast. That whole act lasted for around five months until I gave in to peer pressure and accepted a new blackburry. I hate phones – what should I do?

Does it actually say "Blackburry" on the front of it ?

Did you buy it on Briggate from one of those people who just put a big bag on the floor and start selling s[ihi[/it there and then and then then pack everything away and disappear in a puff of dust within ten nanoseconds of spotting a policeman, someone from the council, or anyone in a hi-viz vest that doesn't look like a builder ?

If so I think you're ok because "Blackburry" don't make mobile phones, they just make s[ihi[/it.

Has anyone rung you on it yet ?

Can you get a signal on it yet ?

Its probably not a phone, can you flick the top off and Tic-Tacs come out ?

I witnessed it been bought from one of those posh shops in one of those indoor market things that we have in Leeds. I don’t go in them very often. They make me feel poor!

Shake the Blackburry for a bit and see if tic-tacs come out.

I'm still not convinced.

Have you got a signal on it yet ?

Dear Mr Field .
As it is fairly obvious that it I that is guilty of being the 'one of your own' , and will be walking a fooking long way one week next month it raises a question or several .
What cake is best to eat when you are walking ?
Would you donate to the cause if I were to walk the whole way wearing a birthday cake hat ( it is musical , and has flashing lights in the candles)
Is there a good cake to plaster inside your socks to prevent blisters ?

Am I right in my head ?

Pound Cake, if you're pounding the streets.

ooops . Just realised that I may have inadvertantly just re-opened the Kendal mint cake debate .

Personally I would go for a good heavy fruit cake, one with lots of cherries in, but here's the problem, you don't want to be carrying all that weight in your stomach after eating half a Dundee cake on a five minute break and yet a Victoria sponge just isn't going to hit the spot and give you that slow energy release that the fruit cake will.

It may be desirable to eat the Dundee cake and get someone to carry you for the next hour or so, that would probably work.

bang on. its not actually a cake but its classic cake for walking. otherwise has to be fruitcake