Wheels, you should have given me a shout on Saturday night, I was a Kinsley dogs too, and managed to pick 5 winners out of 13. I was quite proud of myself, although the last few races were a blur as I think I had spent my winnings by that time on booze !

Why is it when you win at the dogs, you insist on buying the people you are with a drink, just because you back a winner ? "Oh don't worry, I'll get these with my winnings"............"oh well in that case it's tequila shots all around".

I'm never doing it again !

The secret to this is to visit a racing establishment where Honest Maurice the Flambouyant Flying Bookie of Wigan plys his trade, I recommend Doncaster Nags as one place that he frequents, others might suggest a more public and convenient place but we are straying away from the point in question.

You need to place a bet with Honest Mo and retain the slip, to be produced at a future time and date at a venue where your nag or dog has just brought home the spoils and when your mates all turn to you with the gambling mans refrain of "Your winnings, your round, double shots..." you simply wave the slip in the air, keep a long face and declare, "fraid not lads, for I placed my wager with Honest Mo..." and they will all instantly understand, in fact so deep will be their understanding that they may even buy you a drink whilst growling in the direction of Honest Mo.

I feel that I have now gained a much more insightful insight into this world that we live in.

Ah, I see that you adhere to the view that a preposition is something you shouldn't end a sentence with.


Churchill said that ending a sentence with a preposition was something up with which he would not put.

Personally, I see no harm in it.

Dear McF. How did you rise through the ranks to mod overlord?

I bribed my way and used false ID, I have found this to be an excellent way to conduct oneself in most awkward and/or professional situations.

You've left it a bit late lad but after consulting my Roger the Dodger Big Book of Cunning Dodges I can see one that may help.

It basically consists of you turning up at your place of work wearing a seagull on your head and a Latvian folk costume, resting one hand on your hip and the other pointing to the side, tip yourself in the direction of the pointing hand and recite the phrase "I'm a teapot" for as long as it takes for the foreman to escort you from the premises or someone to call an ambulance, whichever occurs first.

Don't forget to get your jobseekers form signed before they throw you through the gate.

Dear McF

I have got myself in a bit of a pickle, and hope you can help. Last year the wife cooked cristmas dinner and got stressed out and burnt my "pigs in blankets" I may have moaned and the imortal words "you can cook next year then"!

I assumed this would have been a throw away comment but last week I found out she was infact serious, had not forgotted and I now seem to be cooking christmas dinner 2011 for 12 people!!!

I am a fair cook and do like it but for 12 people doesn't sound like fun and would interfere with my beer drinking. For the last 7 years I have been allowed to go out Christmas day to the pub for a few hrs while dinner is cooked, I thought I would ask early for help!!