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| FORUMS > Leeds Rhinos > The official McLaren Field's lessons on life thread. |
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[quote="Harrigan":2spn4cnp]Is there an off switch on Remarkable_Rhino?[/quote:2spn4cnp]
[quote="Swarcliffe Rhino":2spn4cnp]No.[/quote:2spn4cnp]
[quote="G1":2spn4cnp]Remarkable Rhino posts something that makes sense shocker![/quote:2spn4cnp]:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_53248.gif |
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| Quote: McLaren_Field "This is a difficult one young Damo.
Under normal circumstances and for anyone else I would simply say "Tell them that you have another appointment on your calendar for that date" but of course everyone knows that your calendar is as empty as the Chancellor of the Exchequers Fund for Absolutely Necessary Public Services, if you said that you had another appointment on that night, or even in that month then we'd hear the laughter from here in sunny LS16.
I think what you need to do is to start to p1ss off your hosts right now, I'd suggest that you take up the wearing of a black beret at a jaunty angle, grow a goatee beard and bushy eyebrows, wear a black turtle neck pullover at all times with black trousers and reply to every question with "Yeah, man", smoke a cigarette theatrically and with the use of a long cigarette holder, draw deeply on it and then hold it at face level but away from your face while easing out a "Thats jazz, man" in a dreamy, smoky voice - even when queueing at the supermarket.
Refuse to drink beer and insist on a tall glass of absynth or pernod and a carafe of water, start to utter random phrases to strangers such as "Now you has jazz" or "Mmmmmmm, that Coltrane makes his stick, flick", call your mother "chick" and call your pretend girlfriend "momma" and if all else fails lay down in a gutter outside your local pub at closing time and scat in the style of Roy Castle.
If you work hard you'll find that your host will be ringing you within a couple of days to tell you that unfortunately the event has been cancelled even when it hasn't really and that he doesn't know when the next one is even though he does really.'"
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| International Chairman | 1548 | No
Team
Selected |
| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Feb 2002 | 23 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Apr 2018 | Apr 2018 | LINK |
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Wheels, you should have given me a shout on Saturday night, I was a Kinsley dogs too, and managed to pick 5 winners out of 13. I was quite proud of myself, although the last few races were a blur as I think I had spent my winnings by that time on booze !
Why is it when you win at the dogs, you insist on buying the people you are with a drink, just because you back a winner ? "Oh don't worry, I'll get these with my winnings"............"oh well in that case it's tequila shots all around".
I'm never doing it again !
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| International Chairman | 32466 | No
Team
Selected |
| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Feb 2002 | 23 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Aug 2018 | Aug 2018 | LINK |
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Someday everything is gonna be different, When I paint my masterpiece
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| Quote: reggieboy "
Why is it when you win at the dogs, you insist on buying the people you are with a drink, just because you back a winner ? "Oh don't worry, I'll get these with my winnings"............"oh well in that case it's tequila shots all around".
I'm never doing it again !'"
The secret to this is to visit a racing establishment where Honest Maurice the Flambouyant Flying Bookie of Wigan plys his trade, I recommend Doncaster Nags as one place that he frequents, others might suggest a more public and convenient place but we are straying away from the point in question.
You need to place a bet with Honest Mo and retain the slip, to be produced at a future time and date at a venue where your nag or dog has just brought home the spoils and when your mates all turn to you with the gambling mans refrain of "Your winnings, your round, double shots..." you simply wave the slip in the air, keep a long face and declare, "fraid not lads, for I placed my wager with Honest Mo..." and they will all instantly understand, in fact so deep will be their understanding that they may even buy you a drink whilst growling in the direction of Honest Mo. | | |
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| Player Coach | 11757 | No
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| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Jul 2007 | 17 years | |
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| Quote: McLaren_Field "This is a difficult one young Damo.
Under normal circumstances and for anyone else I would simply say "Tell them that you have another appointment on your calendar for that date" but of course everyone knows that your calendar is as empty as the Chancellor of the Exchequers Fund for Absolutely Necessary Public Services, if you said that you had another appointment on that night, or even in that month then we'd hear the laughter from here in sunny LS16.
I think what you need to do is to start to p1ss off your hosts right now, I'd suggest that you take up the wearing of a black beret at a jaunty angle, grow a goatee beard and bushy eyebrows, wear a black turtle neck pullover at all times with black trousers and reply to every question with "Yeah, man", smoke a cigarette theatrically and with the use of a long cigarette holder, draw deeply on it and then hold it at face level but away from your face while easing out a "Thats jazz, man" in a dreamy, smoky voice - even when queueing at the supermarket.
Refuse to drink beer and insist on a tall glass of absynth or pernod and a carafe of water, start to utter random phrases to strangers such as "Now you has jazz" or "Mmmmmmm, that Coltrane makes his stick, flick", call your mother "chick" and call your pretend girlfriend "momma" and if all else fails lay down in a gutter outside your local pub at closing time and scat in the style of Roy Castle.
If you work hard you'll find that your host will be ringing you within a couple of days to tell you that unfortunately the event has been cancelled even when it hasn't really and that he doesn't know when the next one is even though he does really.'"
I feel that I have now gained a much more insightful insight into this world that we live in.  | | | |
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| Player Coach | 5526 | |
| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Apr 2007 | 17 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Feb 2018 | Jan 2018 | LINK |
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1 Warrington 2 Hull 3 Wigan 4 Castleford 4 Castleford 5 St Helens 6 Leeds 7 Catalans 8 Hudedersfield 9 Widnes 10 Wakefield
11 Salford 12 Leigh
Playoffs:Warrington Hull Wigan Castleford
Four sides rejoining: Widnes Wakefield Salford Leigh
GF Winners Warrington CC Winners Wigan: |
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| Quote: Damo-Leeds "I feel that I have now gained a much more insightful insight into this world that we live in. ![]()
....into this world in which we live.
HTH
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| International Chairman | 14522 | No
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| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Feb 2002 | 23 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Jan 2014 | Jan 2014 | LINK |
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Freedom without Socialism is privilege and injustice.
Socialism without freedom is slavery and brutality.:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_1136.jpg |
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| Quote: Old Feller "....into this world in which we live.
HTH'"
Ah, I see that you adhere to the view that a preposition is something you shouldn't end a sentence with.
Churchill said that ending a sentence with a preposition was something up with which he would not put.
Personally, I see no harm in it. | | | |
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| Player Coach | 5526 | |
| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Apr 2007 | 17 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Feb 2018 | Jan 2018 | LINK |
| Milestone Posts |
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1 Warrington 2 Hull 3 Wigan 4 Castleford 4 Castleford 5 St Helens 6 Leeds 7 Catalans 8 Hudedersfield 9 Widnes 10 Wakefield
11 Salford 12 Leigh
Playoffs:Warrington Hull Wigan Castleford
Four sides rejoining: Widnes Wakefield Salford Leigh
GF Winners Warrington CC Winners Wigan: |
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| Quote: El Barbudo "Ah, I see that you adhere to the view that a preposition is something you shouldn't end a sentence with.
![]()
Indeed, or Damo could have saved himself by putting "..into this world we inhabit."
I just wanted it to be a change from "being" etc.
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| Moderator | 9187 | |
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| Aug 2006 | 18 years | |
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| Sep 2024 | Sep 2024 | LINK |
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BELIEVE. BELIEF. BEYOND.
IT AIN'T WHERE YOUR FROM, ITS WHERE YOUR AT.
SWMC Coach's very own timekeeping aficionado & expert stair inspector.:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_27287.png |
Moderator
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Dear McF. How did you rise through the ranks to mod overlord?
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| International Chairman | 32466 | No
Team
Selected |
| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Feb 2002 | 23 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Aug 2018 | Aug 2018 | LINK |
| Milestone Posts |
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| Signature |
1122_1318449976.jpg
Someday everything is gonna be different, When I paint my masterpiece
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| Quote: Jamie B "Dear McF. How did you rise through the ranks to mod overlord?'"
I bribed my way and used false ID, I have found this to be an excellent way to conduct oneself in most awkward and/or professional situations. | | |
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| International Chairman | 32466 | No
Team
Selected |
| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Feb 2002 | 23 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Aug 2018 | Aug 2018 | LINK |
| Milestone Posts |
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| Milestone Years |
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| Location |
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| Signature |
1122_1318449976.jpg
Someday everything is gonna be different, When I paint my masterpiece
------------------------------------------------------
[url=http://jerrychicken.wordpress.com/:k4m40udg]The Jerry Chicken Blog Page[/url:k4m40udg]
------------------------------------------------------
[url=http://www.artgallery.co.uk/artist/gary_kitchen_2:k4m40udg]BUY MY ART ONLINE AT ARTGALLERY.CO.UK[/url:k4m40udg]
[url=https://theartonlinegallery.com/artist/garykitch/:k4m40udg]AT THE RIPPINGHAM GALLERY[/url:k4m40udg]
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I’m doing some ‘proper’ work tomorrow Mr Field which involves heavy lifting. It’s not lifting myself from bed this time no. But actually lifting heavy objects with my bare hands. How do you prepare for such hard work as its alien to me?
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| International Chairman | 35189 | No
Team
Selected |
| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Feb 2002 | 23 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Jun 2023 | Jun 2023 | LINK |
| Milestone Posts |
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| Milestone Years |
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:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_1246.jpeg |
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| Quote: McLaren_Field "Look out for The Rex Loz-lad.
And the infamous rlgrab a granny nightrl'"
Dont think were hitting the bars of Whitley Bay, were off west up Coast Road to Newcastle |
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| International Star | 2163 |  |
| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Sep 2010 | 14 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Jun 2024 | Jul 2023 | LINK |
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[quote="Will Ferrell":klj11krn]
"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cake and it can buy beer. I would say that's about even."[/quote:klj11krn]
[quote="Ryan Bailey":klj11krn]My mum always said that there would be haters. Not everyone can love ya[/quote:klj11krn]
Classic Bailey 
[quote="McLaren_Field re Damo":klj11krn][quote="Neville Bartos":klj11krn]What is it that you contribute in exchange for your benefit payments?[/quote:klj11krn]
He breathes out CO2, which helps the trees.[/quote:klj11krn]:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_52996.jpg |
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| International Chairman | 32466 | No
Team
Selected |
| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Feb 2002 | 23 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Aug 2018 | Aug 2018 | LINK |
| Milestone Posts |
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| Milestone Years |
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| Location |
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| Signature |
1122_1318449976.jpg
Someday everything is gonna be different, When I paint my masterpiece
------------------------------------------------------
[url=http://jerrychicken.wordpress.com/:k4m40udg]The Jerry Chicken Blog Page[/url:k4m40udg]
------------------------------------------------------
[url=http://www.artgallery.co.uk/artist/gary_kitchen_2:k4m40udg]BUY MY ART ONLINE AT ARTGALLERY.CO.UK[/url:k4m40udg]
[url=https://theartonlinegallery.com/artist/garykitch/:k4m40udg]AT THE RIPPINGHAM GALLERY[/url:k4m40udg]
....................................................................
[url=http://art-profiles.com/gary-kitchen/:k4m40udg]ART PROFILE[/url:k4m40udg]
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[url=http://twitter.com/GaryKitch:k4m40udg]On Twitter[/url:k4m40udg]
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...................................................................:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_1122.jpg |
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| Quote: Damo-Leeds "I’m doing some ‘proper’ work tomorrow Mr Field which involves heavy lifting. It’s not lifting myself from bed this time no. But actually lifting heavy objects with my bare hands. How do you prepare for such hard work as its alien to me?'"
You've left it a bit late lad but after consulting my Roger the Dodger Big Book of Cunning Dodges I can see one that may help.
It basically consists of you turning up at your place of work wearing a seagull on your head and a Latvian folk costume, resting one hand on your hip and the other pointing to the side, tip yourself in the direction of the pointing hand and recite the phrase "I'm a teapot" for as long as it takes for the foreman to escort you from the premises or someone to call an ambulance, whichever occurs first.
Don't forget to get your jobseekers form signed before they throw you through the gate. |
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| International Star | 5813 | No
Team
Selected |
| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Apr 2010 | 14 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Apr 2022 | Mar 2022 | LINK |
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icons3ae4_files/4541-162reymo-msnicons.jpg
If your not cheating, your not trying. Barrie Mcdermott:icons3ae4_files/4541-162reymo-msnicons.jpg |
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Dear McF
I have got myself in a bit of a pickle, and hope you can help. Last year the wife cooked cristmas dinner and got stressed out and burnt my "pigs in blankets" I may have moaned and the imortal words "you can cook next year then"!
I assumed this would have been a throw away comment but last week I found out she was infact serious, had not forgotted and I now seem to be cooking christmas dinner 2011 for 12 people!!!
I am a fair cook and do like it but for 12 people doesn't sound like fun and would interfere with my beer drinking. For the last 7 years I have been allowed to go out Christmas day to the pub for a few hrs while dinner is cooked, I thought I would ask early for help!!
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