FORUMS > Halifax Panthers > Trying to lighten the mood II -The return of the Joke thread |
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fonds blancs/Shrek.gif "While each of us may not be poor, poverty affects all of us." Robert Kennedy:fonds blancs/Shrek.gif |
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| A visiting professor at Castleford Technical College is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost? Damn..... From back there I thought you said, 'Goats'!"
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3664.gif You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how ya gonna have a dream come true?
Are you claiming all you are entitled to? www.debtadvicenetwork.org then go to "Self Help" then "Benefits & Entitlements".:3664.gif |
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| BAD NEWS - Patrick Swayze has died!
MORE BAD NEWS - The Swayze family had booked Keith Floyd to do the buffet at the wake!
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Club Coach | 1119 | No Team Selected |
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icons97df_files/4489-27sowhat-msnicons.jpg :icons97df_files/4489-27sowhat-msnicons.jpg |
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| Quote: Yob "BAD NEWS - Patrick Swayze has died!
MORE BAD NEWS - The Swayze family had booked Keith Floys to do the buffet at the wake!'"
They'd have had the thyme of their life.
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Rank | Posts | Team |
International Board Member | 9336 | No Team Selected |
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Jan 2003 | 22 years | |
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3664.gif You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how ya gonna have a dream come true?
Are you claiming all you are entitled to? www.debtadvicenetwork.org then go to "Self Help" then "Benefits & Entitlements".:3664.gif |
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| Yorkshire Women
3 men married wives from different countries. The first man married a woman from China. He told her that she was to do their dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Italy. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.
By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a Yorkshire Lass.
He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he
didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
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Rank | Posts | Team |
International Board Member | 9336 | No Team Selected |
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Jan 2003 | 22 years | |
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Oct 2011 | Oct 2011 | LINK |
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3664.gif You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how ya gonna have a dream come true?
Are you claiming all you are entitled to? www.debtadvicenetwork.org then go to "Self Help" then "Benefits & Entitlements".:3664.gif |
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| NEW WORLD SURVEY
Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure because of the following:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And finally, in the UK they just hung up because they couldn't understand the Indian accent.
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International Board Member | 951 | No Team Selected |
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fonds blancs/Buzz Lightyear.gif :fonds blancs/Buzz Lightyear.gif |
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| Fantastic! I've just discovered twitter. its my girlfriends sensitive area between the & the Shitter.
replace lover with tw@at
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