FORUMS > Halifax Panthers > Trying to lighten the mood II -The return of the Joke thread |
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fonds blancs/Shrek.gif "While each of us may not be poor, poverty affects all of us." Robert Kennedy:fonds blancs/Shrek.gif |
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| A New Zealand farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means and with a red face asks the vet to elaborate. The vet tells the farmer that he will have to inseminate them himself. The farmer asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his Landrover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
The next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Landrover again. He drives them out to the woods bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
The next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No," she says, "they're all in the Landrover and one of them is beeping the horn."
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International Board Member | 9336 | No Team Selected |
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3664.gif You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how ya gonna have a dream come true?
Are you claiming all you are entitled to? www.debtadvicenetwork.org then go to "Self Help" then "Benefits & Entitlements".:3664.gif |
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| BAD NEWS - Patrick Swayze has died!
MORE BAD NEWS - The Swayze family had booked Keith Floyd to do the buffet at the wake!
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Club Coach | 1119 | No Team Selected |
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Oct 2004 | 20 years | |
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icons97df_files/4489-27sowhat-msnicons.jpg :icons97df_files/4489-27sowhat-msnicons.jpg |
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| Quote: Yob "BAD NEWS - Patrick Swayze has died!
MORE BAD NEWS - The Swayze family had booked Keith Floys to do the buffet at the wake!'"
They'd have had the thyme of their life.
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Rank | Posts | Team |
International Board Member | 9336 | No Team Selected |
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Jan 2003 | 22 years | |
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3664.gif You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how ya gonna have a dream come true?
Are you claiming all you are entitled to? www.debtadvicenetwork.org then go to "Self Help" then "Benefits & Entitlements".:3664.gif |
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| Yorkshire Women
3 men married wives from different countries. The first man married a woman from China. He told her that she was to do their dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Italy. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.
By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a Yorkshire Lass.
He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he
didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
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Rank | Posts | Team |
International Board Member | 9336 | No Team Selected |
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Jan 2003 | 22 years | |
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Oct 2011 | Oct 2011 | LINK |
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3664.gif You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how ya gonna have a dream come true?
Are you claiming all you are entitled to? www.debtadvicenetwork.org then go to "Self Help" then "Benefits & Entitlements".:3664.gif |
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| NEW WORLD SURVEY
Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure because of the following:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And finally, in the UK they just hung up because they couldn't understand the Indian accent.
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Rank | Posts | Team |
International Board Member | 951 | No Team Selected |
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Nov 2002 | 22 years | |
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fonds blancs/Buzz Lightyear.gif :fonds blancs/Buzz Lightyear.gif |
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| Fantastic! I've just discovered twitter. its my girlfriends sensitive area between the & the Shitter.
replace lover with tw@at
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