>Two kerrymen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section
>and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks
>if he can help them.
>
>"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up
>dere," says Gerry.
>
>The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for
>the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top
>of the ConnorPass.
>
>At the ConnorPass, Gerry looks down at the 1000' foot drop and says "Dis
>looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts
>them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
>
>Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself
>stone dead.
>
>Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head
>and says "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"
>
>
>THERE'S MORE

>
>Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass. He's been to the pet shop
>too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one
>hand and a shotgun in the other.
>
>"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says.
>
>He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the
>cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
>parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom
>and breaks every bone in his body.
>
>Paddy shakes his head and says "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting
>either!"
>
>IT IS NOT OVER YET
>
>Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean Og
>appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of
>which he pulls a chicken. Sean Og then hurls himself off the cliff and
>disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
>
>Once more Paddy shakes his head.
>
>"Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus
>parrotshooting...and now Sean Og and his fook'n "hen gliding!"

BAD NEWS - Patrick Swayze has died!

MORE BAD NEWS - The Swayze family had booked Keith Floyd to do the buffet at the wake!

They'd have had the thyme of their life.

Yorkshire Women





3 men married wives from different countries. The first man married a woman from China. He told her that she was to do their dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.



The second man married a woman from Italy. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.

By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.



The third man married a Yorkshire Lass.

He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,

lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he

didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

NEW WORLD SURVEY


Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.



In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And finally, in the UK they just hung up because they couldn't understand the Indian accent.

Fantastic! I've just discovered twitter. its my girlfriends sensitive area between the & the Shitter.


replace lover with tw@at