FORUMS > Halifax Panthers > Trying to lighten the mood II -The return of the Joke thread |
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67.5% of all statistics are made up: |
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| A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks
into a house to look for money and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the
girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and
goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there the husband tells his wife:"Listen, this guys an escaped convict, look at his clothes!
He probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in
years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't
complain, do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably
very dangerous. If he gets angry he'll kill us. Be strong honey, I love
you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it
was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too".
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Club Owner | 9336 | No Team Selected |
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3664.gif You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how ya gonna have a dream come true?
Are you claiming all you are entitled to? www.debtadvicenetwork.org then go to "Self Help" then "Benefits & Entitlements".:3664.gif |
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| BAD NEWS - Patrick Swayze has died!
MORE BAD NEWS - The Swayze family had booked Keith Floyd to do the buffet at the wake!
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Club Coach | 1119 | No Team Selected |
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icons97df_files/4489-27sowhat-msnicons.jpg :icons97df_files/4489-27sowhat-msnicons.jpg |
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| Quote: Yob "BAD NEWS - Patrick Swayze has died!
MORE BAD NEWS - The Swayze family had booked Keith Floys to do the buffet at the wake!'"
They'd have had the thyme of their life.
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Rank | Posts | Team |
Club Owner | 9336 | No Team Selected |
Joined | Service | Reputation |
Jan 2003 | 21 years | |
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Oct 2011 | Oct 2011 | LINK |
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3664.gif You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how ya gonna have a dream come true?
Are you claiming all you are entitled to? www.debtadvicenetwork.org then go to "Self Help" then "Benefits & Entitlements".:3664.gif |
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| Yorkshire Women
3 men married wives from different countries. The first man married a woman from China. He told her that she was to do their dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Italy. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.
By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a Yorkshire Lass.
He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he
didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
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Rank | Posts | Team |
Club Owner | 9336 | No Team Selected |
Joined | Service | Reputation |
Jan 2003 | 21 years | |
Online | Last Post | Last Page |
Oct 2011 | Oct 2011 | LINK |
Milestone Posts |
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Milestone Years |
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Location |
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Signature |
3664.gif You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how ya gonna have a dream come true?
Are you claiming all you are entitled to? www.debtadvicenetwork.org then go to "Self Help" then "Benefits & Entitlements".:3664.gif |
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| NEW WORLD SURVEY
Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure because of the following:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And finally, in the UK they just hung up because they couldn't understand the Indian accent.
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Rank | Posts | Team |
International Board Member | 951 | No Team Selected |
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Nov 2002 | 22 years | |
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fonds blancs/Buzz Lightyear.gif :fonds blancs/Buzz Lightyear.gif |
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| Fantastic! I've just discovered twitter. its my girlfriends sensitive area between the & the Shitter.
replace lover with tw@at ![Smile icon_smile.gif](images/smilies//icon_smile.gif)
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