I have a friend who in his late-teens was going out with a girl named Katie. He was head over heels and he got her name tattooed across his back. When the inevitable breakup happened the following year, he had the tattoo removed.

A couple of years later he married a girl called Katie and decided to get the same design tattooed on his shoulder. 5 years later he got divorced and he had the tattoo removed.

The last time I saw him was in a bar in Leeds a couple of years ago. He told me that he'd been seeing a girl for 4 months - Katie - and that he was having her name tattooed on his forearm.

According to Facebook he is currently single. Some people never learn.

When on my travels with the Navy, me and a mate where talking to a rather enthusiastic septic. When he discovered that we were from the UK he piped up about his Daughter who was "half Hispanic, half Polish and half English" my mate quipped ins response, "big girl is she?"

He contemplated this remarks for a few seconds with a puzzled look on his face, before asking "how did you know that?"

When I was in London for the Olympics I heard a group of American teenage girls have a serious discussion about when Britain gained its independence from the US. Took all I had not to beat them merciesly.

Some would argue it has not yet!

My dads one of those people that attracts humorous calamities wherever he goes in a kind of gently bemusing 'Last of the summer wine' way. His most recent one:

He's a keen birdwatcher, too keen really. He subscribes to something called birdline which means he gets texts informing him of rare birds popping up in various districts around the regions and got one very early in the morning a few weeks ago about some Hawfinches somewhere north of the trough of Bowland. Deciding he has to see them he packs all his gear up and gets out of the house by about 6:30am. It's a pretty remote spot he's headed to and it takes about an hour and a quarter of M6 then local roads. Anyway, as he arrives at the spot it's obvious a job lot of other twitchers have had the same text as he pulls into the car park next to where the birds are to see about 40 other vehicles and around a hundred birdwatchers/photographers set up with their gear. After pulling into the only spot left he realised it has been left clear so everyone can see the birds and that he's blocking everyones view. Putting his motor into reverse he turns round to look out of the back as he's reversing out and catches the horn on the wheel with his elbow. All of the birds fly off never to return, exited the vehicle to a volley of abuse.

On a similar line, when I lived out in the US, I had an american colleague aske me "Do you celebrate July 4 over in England"?

Some friends of mine went on a camping trip when they were young lads and, having pitched the tent in a field just outside Grasmere, they went off to the pub. Several hours later they were staggering back in the dark, when they came across a well. Near the well was a large concrete block with a chain attached to it. They wondered how deep the well was so decided to drop the concrete block down it to see. So they manhandled the block over and let go and stood back to listen for it hitting the bottom of the well. They watched in anticipation for about 10 seconds as the chain kept going past, but were soon greeted by the sight of the goat tethered to the end of it disappearing down the well.........

"Hear My Song" wants it's story back.

rlEven earlier than that!rl

I had a dream last night in which I was eating my pillow and when I woke up my giant marshmallow had gone.

A whole new genre.

Q. "if you were going to Bradford, would you set off from here?"
A. "No, I don't know the way".

The morning after a drinking session with my mate a couple of months ago, I got a text from him saying,' I don't know what we drank last night mate, but I was so pished I've lost my leg'.

He has a prosthetic leg.

His girlfriend found it later that day at the entrance lobby to his appartments three flights of stairs below.

Unlike the previous few, this REALLY is a true story, I promise.

Was driving one day from Wakey to a meeting at a customer in Altofts, was coming into Normanton and realised that I didn't have a map or directions (yes, what we had to do before satnav), but then saw an old woman walking along the side of the road, a Monty Python type old woman, long grey coat, big shopping bag, bent back etc.

Stopped to ask her for some directions and quick as a flash she opened the passenger door and sat in the passenger seat, "I'm going there love, you can take me" she said - I was a bit shocked at her cheek and at the fact that she'd just jump in a strangers car, but ... strange folk around there.

Anyway, one mile down the road we got to the crossroads in the middle of Normanton and she told me to stop, then she got out of the car, leaned back in through the door and said "Go down there and ask someone else", then buggered off.


I just sat there and LoL'd for ages.

Are you suggesting that I did not sleep-eat a giant marshmallow? Pfft

That is the funniest thing I've read in ages. Thanks for sharing that one with us. Brilliant.