| FORUMS > The Sin Bin > Jokes Thread 2 |
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users/saints.gif
:users/saints.gif |
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On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are dose?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger..
"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everyting!"
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1602.jpg
Sad preacher nailed upon the coloured door of time;
Insane teacher be there reminded of the rhyme.
There'll be no mutant enemy we shall certify;
Political ends, as sad remains, will die.:1602.jpg |
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The joke here is that you found an Irishman who did not know about golf (or any sport).
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44480_1390845286.jpg
It's been fun.:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_44480.jpg |
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God job he wasn't Asian
the accent was all wrong
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1602.jpg
Sad preacher nailed upon the coloured door of time;
Insane teacher be there reminded of the rhyme.
There'll be no mutant enemy we shall certify;
Political ends, as sad remains, will die.:1602.jpg |
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Strangely, I heard every Irish joke in the years 1965 - 1977 as a "Wiganer ...".
Then in rugby terms, the joke was on us.
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67329_1392756525.jpg
Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand
Workin' in the dark against your fellow man
But as sure as God made black and white
What's down in the dark will be brought to the light:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_67329.jpg |
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I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays
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67329_1392756525.jpg
Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand
Workin' in the dark against your fellow man
But as sure as God made black and white
What's down in the dark will be brought to the light:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_67329.jpg |
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."
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67329_1392756525.jpg
Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand
Workin' in the dark against your fellow man
But as sure as God made black and white
What's down in the dark will be brought to the light:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_67329.jpg |
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A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
( i'll get my coat)
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9387.gif
Challenge Cup
1923/24, 1928/29, 1947/48, 1950/51, 1957/58, 1958/59, 1964/65, 1984/85, 1987/88, 1988/89, 1989/90, 1990/91, 1991/92, 1992/93, 1993/94, 1994/95, 2002, 2011, 2013
World Club Challenge
1987/88, 1991/92, 1993/94
Championship/SL
1908/09, 1921/22, 1925/26, 1933/34, 1945/46, 1946/47, 1949/50, 1951/52, 1959/60, 1986/87, 1989/90, 1990/91, 1991/92, 1992/93, 1993/94, 1994/95, 1995, 1998, 2010, 2013
Charity Shield
1985/86, 1987/1988, 1991/92, 1995/96
Regal Trophy
1982/83, 1985/86, 1986/87, 1988/89, 1989/90, 1992/93, 1994/95, 1995/96
Lancashire Cup
1905/06, 1908/09, 1909/10, 1912/13, 1922/23, 1928/29, 1938/39, 1946/47, 1947/48, 1948/49, 1949/50, 1950/51, 1951/52, 1966/67, 1971/72, 1973/74, 1985/86, 1986/87, 1987/88, 1988/89, 1992/93
Lancashire League
1901/02, 1908/09, 1910/11, 1911/12, 1912/13, 1913/14, 1914/15, 1920/21, 1922/23, 1923/24, 1925/26, 1945/46, 1946/47, 1949/50, 1951/52, 1958/59, 1961/62, 1969/70
As Well as other comps that won't fit:9387.gif |
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A man is up in court for murder. The Judge reads out the charges, "You are accused of beating your wife to death with a hammer'. A voice pipes up from the back, 'What a tw@'. The Judge continues, 'You are also accused of beating your daughter to death with a hammer'. The same voice cries from the back, 'You Effing B*stard'.
The judge, who is not very happy with this beccons the man to the front of court, 'Now I know that this case may be distressing but with outbursts like that I could do you with contempt of court, now explain yourself immediatley'. The man at the back steps up, 'Well your honour, I've lived next door to the accused for the past 20 years and every time I've asked to borrow a hammer, he says he hasn't got one'.
I'm here all week.
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| Player Coach | 8013 | No
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49863_1309431041.jpg
Neither glass half full or empty. Just a realist.:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_49863.jpg |
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| Quote: Legends and Icons "A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and says
Why not get Tim Vine's coat, while you're at it
 only joking
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
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67329_1392756525.jpg
Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand
Workin' in the dark against your fellow man
But as sure as God made black and white
What's down in the dark will be brought to the light:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_67329.jpg |
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| Quote: lefty goldblatt "Why not get Tim Vine's coat, while you're at it
![]()
Is that a vine joke too ? Ive only ever watched one of his stand up sets tbh
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4548_1324413490.jpg
:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_4548.jpg |
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My pet mouse Elvis died yesterday. He was caught in a trap.
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| Player Coach | 5506 | No
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| Mar 2010 | 15 years | |
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50774_1329287946.jpg
:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_50774.jpg |
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please mods - are we allowed Kate Middleton jokes ?
serious question BTW
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44480_1390845286.jpg
It's been fun.:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_44480.jpg |
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I would imagine so, as long as it doesn't break the AUP.
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1408_1377158863.jpg
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| Quote: sanjunien "please mods - are we allowed Kate Middleton jokes ?
serious question BTW'"
Aye, no photos though |
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| Player Coach | 5506 | No
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50774_1329287946.jpg
:d7dc4b20b2c2dd7b76ac6eac29d5604e_50774.jpg |
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| Quote: Horatio Yed "I would imagine so, as long as it doesn't break the AUP.'"
well, i'll 'pm' it to you both first then you tell me |
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