Danny Baker ‏@prodnose
Journeying back to London, I finally opened my tupperware of porridge and was just applying a flask of hot milk when.. rlhttps://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-18719962rl

Six arrests? My word, that's one in ten million of the entire population. The country must be on the point of imminent collapse.

Yeah, but it might have been a TERROR HEDGEHOG

At least we know we'll be safe in the winter

Hedgehog internment could be the way forward for the Bullingdon clique?

I was in Belgium a few years ago and they closed a railway station because of "white powder" on one of the platforms. Turned out to be icing sugar off a pastry. Those were the good old days, we used to sell a lot of biowarfare equipment back then. A bit of paranoia is always good for business

It's the only language they understand, the spiny bar stewards

Mock if you like, but I've been there when a hedgehog went off. They're like nail bombs.

Back in 1973, I was working in that there Lunnon and staying in a B&B in Earl's Court. My mate & I got up one morning, went down stairs and found a deserted hotel: no one on reception, empty restaurant zilch.

On venturing outside we were grabbed by armed rozzers from Special Branch and asked where we'd come from and what we'd been up to. It took a while but they finally accepted that we were staying there and they hadn't done such a good job on ecavuating the hotel as they thought they had. Turns out one bloke who was in another room decided that life was a bit too much, so he filled the meter with 5p pieces and topped himself with the help of the gas fire (still on town gas in those days). Someone had smelled gas and once they opened the room, they found this geezer, lying stark bollock naked, in front of the fire. He had wires attached to his leg and the wires led to a brown paper parcel. The Bomb Squad and SB were called out and after some delicate manipulations, they discovered that it wasn't an IRA boby-trap, he'd simply ripped the battery wires out of an old Binatone radio and sellotaped them to his leg. He just wanted to leave causing the maximum disruption.

It was then I that remembered someone hammering on the door and telling us we had to get out immediately. In my fug, I yelled OK and rolled over and went back to kip.

update

AAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! PANIC



But why haven't the police mentioned the hedgehog in that? Conspiracy afoot, methinks. What are they trying to hide?

They don't want people swerving all over the motorway just to avoid a puncture