Mudd.........and I know for a fact that[i "That's right, that's right, that's right, that's right...."[/i!!

God asked Whitney 'what do you miss most' she replied 'the crack'

So god sent for Frank Carson to keep her company.

A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you £50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette £50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."

What's six inches long and didn't get sucked on Valentines Day ?
Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

I didn't believe my wife when she told me Davy Jones had died this evening, but then i saw her face, now i'm a believer.

Congrats on being the first, super quick

February 29th.

The only day that a man doesn't want to see a woman on her knees in front of him.

Edited for comedic effect!!

The innocent children of Africa, their childhoods stolen, ripped from the arms of their crying parents. Soon unable to defend themselves they must learn to shoot, whilst a baying mob of savages cheer them on. Most will never learn to read or write, there are no medals for these brave lost causes, no victory, no respite. We must make the world aware, we must not turn our back....

ARSENE WENGER 2012.

A Glaswegian lad takes his new girlfriend home to meet his father,
''This is Amanda,''
His father says'
''Its a f***in' wha?!''

There was a burglary last night, at the Agoraphobia HQ

Police think it's an inside job.

Wayne Rooney has just visited Fabrice Mwamba in hospital.

"Great news. He's started to string a few words together", said Fabrice.

GOLF ETHICS QUESTION

What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes.
You had the honour and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the pin.
Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway.

Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for his ball.
Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your opponent says, "Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in time, I'll concede the match."

You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the pin.
About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods, "I found it!".
The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more
than six inches from the hole.

Now here is the ethical dilemma:

Do you pull the cheating barstewards ball out of your pocket and confront him with it, or do you keep your mouth shut..?