Well, unless she was about to train to be a doctor or a vet or a nuclear physicist or a lecturer in ancient history or ...

Well, unless she was about to train to be a doctor or a vet or a nuclear physicist or a lecturer in ancient history or ...

There's an issue with young people being shunted into forms of tertiary education that may not be needed, may be inappropriate for them etc, but there are still plenty of careers where a university education would be the best option if not downright essential.

A friend of ours daughter has just done the same thing in that she lasted less than a week in York. She is very bright but as decided to try for a place at Chester Uni which is of course her home town.

A different institution might suit your daughter or going in a years time may be an idea.

Another alternative is to study from home at the Open University. Very highly regarded if I say so myself (as you probably know I work as a tutor for them in my spare time) and the number of people under 25 enrolling is on the increase probably in part due to the fact the fees are £5K for a full years study than £9K at a traditional Uni. You still get your student loan to study there.

My son went to Uni last year and while as a parent leaving them there for the first time is a day of mixed emotions we did see some students (and parents) in a right old state and you could almost tell it wasn't going to last but whatever the reason she decided to leave for, assuming she wants a degree education there are plenty of alternatives and she doesn't have to do it right now.

If I was in your situation I'd try and encourage her to try again in a years time. Going to University was for me one of the best times of my life and I learned a hell of a lot more than just Computer Science.

Maybe university is right for her but its a bit early and not the right time for her.

If she is dropping out during Freshers Week then its not going to be because of the course, its probably something like:
- she is not ready to leave home yet
- she didn't fit in with the other students so didn't think she would make friends

It doesn't meant she can't give it another go in the future, at the moment she will probably feel a bit of a failure though so best to keep her spirits and ego up and no point giving her a hard time about it.

I know some people say you should give something a proper go before giving up etc but the other side to that coin is a quick decision is sometimes best when you really know you are doing the wrong thing. One of my flatmates at uni hated his course and was unhappy at uni from the start, but he tried to 'guts it out' and had teh same problems through 1st and 2nd year and ended up dropping out in 3rd year which was a far more costly decision.

You know, thats a bloody good piece of advice, as I mentioned my eldest on her law degree course may as well have just stayed at home on the days she went to lectures, and then the lectures were all available to download on the same presentation slides that the lecturer had used anyway - just drawing a line underneath the whole Uni idea and spending almost 50% less on a home study degree is almost the same thing !

Plus, she could probably finance most of that with a part time job too !

I did the same, however it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when I decided I wasn't going back.

Freshers' week is all drinking to excess and sex, with the occasional 'welcome' lecture thrown in.

It's a difficult time, particularly for girls. Friendship groups are starting to form, and if your face does not fit then you can feel very isolated. The lads will be out for lashy + smashy and any girl who puts out will probably instantly get labelled a slag.

That said, the people I was 'friends' with for the first few weeks of uni were not the people I was friends with for the rest of the course.

What course was she doing and where? Is there likely to be any long-term benefit in it, or was it just going to be a huge pile of debt and a BA in social policy?

That £5K is for a full years 120 points worth or courses as well. You could do the degree over four years (or longer) and thus not only reduce the yearly fees but also leave more time for some part time work.

When I said there are more under 25's enrolling these days it is considerably more. It's been a noticeable trend for some time and the OU has had to take it into account as younger people have different study patterns and expectations to the OU's more traditional more mature students.

This is a very sobering website; it basically calculates student loan repayments for anyone going to uni in 2012 or later: www.thecompleteuniversityguide.c ... calculator Interesting that if you are a 'high earner' it says you will pay back around £50K over just under 14 years. If you are a low earner you will pay back £22K over 30 years and the rest of the loan will get written-off. Any 18 year old who goes to uni will be paying back their loans well into their 30s if not beyond, unless their parents can help them out.

This is a very sobering website; it basically calculates student loan repayments for anyone going to uni in 2012 or later: www.thecompleteuniversityguide.c ... calculator Interesting that if you are a 'high earner' it says you will pay back around £50K over just under 14 years. If you are a low earner you will pay back £22K over 30 years and the rest of the loan will get written-off. Any 18 year old who goes to uni will be paying back their loans well into their 30s if not beyond, unless their parents can help them out.

Thanks to all - a thread with sensible comments is a change! Anyway, things are complex and an amalgam of many of the points raised. Things at home have been very stressed for the last few years and in many ways the last 15! She is a twin and we had to split the twins up at 4 as her sister needed special school provision. Consequently, at an early stage she lost the outgoing half of the twin partnership who she relied on socially. In more recent years her twin developed a catastrophic chronic condition and she has seen her suffer awfully and then regress dramatically, cognitively speaking. So, this time last year - when family stress was still very high she wasn't ready to go to university and we suggested she ask if she could defer her course a year in case she felt she could do it this year. She also suffered from social anxiety. So she had a gap year. Got a job in a supermarket - where she made good friends - and saved up to take herself to China for 4 and a half weeks. She also home studied Japanese GCSE and managed to scrape an A* (293 out of 300).

So, it seemed all had gone marvellously and she had matured (which she has in some ways). However, just before she was due to go her social anxiety resurfaced as did her lack of confidence - that she couldn't cope, everyone else would be cleverer, etc. Furthermore, she shocked us a couple of years back when at the last minute she applied to do geography rather than German, which was her first love at that time. Then the day after she'd applied / the deadline she decided she really wanted to do Japanese or maybe Korean. She did not get round to asking to change though. The other thing she was concerned with that everyone would be drinking heavily - whilst she likes one maybe two she hates that sort of behaviour and latterly has preferred non-English friends for that reason. Unfortunately, after we dropped her off on Sunday things got off to the worst possible start. Her room is one of about 7 in a "flat" within the hall of residence and after dinner with the others they all started playing drinking games and engaging in obscene conversation. So she left. But each night some of them have got ratted and return at 3.00am to the common parts with lads and are shouting and screaming until 7.00am. So she's not getting sleep and is surrounded by juveniles who are like 12 year old girls on a sleepover, albeit fuelled with alcohol. That plus her social anxiety plus doubts over her course plus leaving her boyfriend plus debt concerns plus worrying about studying stressing her took their toll. We went up to pick her up yesterday but it became apparent that part of her wanted to be there, part wanted to get a job. So, we took her to her department to discuss and they said she could change courses if she wished and that their course wouldn't be tough if the first year, etc. So she then went to the Japanese department and after speaking to her said they'd take her if she wanted and also suggested a related course where she could study some Japanese, some Korean as well as Asian cultural / economic topics. So, after all that we suggested she think about things overnight. So we stayed over and left her to think. She later texted to say she still wanted out despite the offer a perfect course for her. So, we went to pick her up this morning but she was using the future tense about things as though she were staying. After I went to find out how to get out of the accomodation it became apparent she wanted to stay but wasn't sure she could cope with everything. So, we told her to come home for the weekend, think about it and Mrs D will take her back Sunday either to pack up or give it a go for a few weeks to see if she gets into it.

So, things are still no clearer! In a ideal world I think she'd like to live at home but do the Japanese course but that ain't feasible.

Maybe a nice local-ish Uni with plenty of family support is the ideal option, possibly save up buy herself a cheap runaround.

First thing Dally, she didn't "scrape" a fekkin A* in Japanese you pillock, I fekkin "scraped" an E in Maths in my 1973 O levels, in fact I "scraped" into Grammar School in 1968 by ONE MARK - you have a very intelligent girl there, for christ sake stop using language like that, no wonder she has anxieties about not being good enough.

You already know the answer, the problem isn't that she isn't intelligent enough, on the contrary she clearly is but may need some positive encouragement to believe herself rather than telling her that she scraped the top mark in an exam, AND there is a problem with accommodation which I'm sure most sensible adults can empathise with, I wouldn't like to be living under those conditions either and I'm not always a grumpy old tw**.

A degree course is not necessary but if desirable then you're going to need to look at your local Uni's, if her love is language and the Far East then there is your focus right there, don't go shopping for the "best Uni", go shopping for the best choice for her, with all that she has coped with so far in her life she is doing remarkably well to shine in a subject like Japanese which is a very useful tool to have in your CV when it comes time to choose a job.

I was being sarcastic with the word "scraped." Like alot of clever girls she's a perfectionist and convinces herself she's failed if she stuggles on a one mark question, which is another big problem. i know she's not alone in that - we have friends whose daughters who are the same. Back to our girl I have tried to explain she'll be brighter than most at a Russell Group university and it doesn't matter if one or two people seem brilliant. I likened it to the England football team where all 11 are excellent but maybe one or two are head and shoulders above the others. Even then vistually no English players would be picked for Brazil (if they could be) but nevertheless they remain excellent players and truly outstanding compared with millions of others.

For those who are parents - boys are so much easier (unless they go right off the rails)!!

We've thought of that .The local ones don't do such courses. She doesn't drive. The other option would be to commute into London but when I looked UCL for example wanted A* and 2 A*s at A level. Whilst she would probably have achieved that the fact that she gave up in December before her A levels and had no course notes for 2 years meant she went in without any preparation. She didn't want to sit but we said surely it was better to try than just give up. We both felt the minimum she'd get was 3 C's if she would only go into the exams. She went in with a bit of assistance from the medical profession and got 2 A's and a B a truly remarakble performance under the circumstances. GCSE's she has 13 - 7 A*s and 6 A's. That's why I say it'd be a shame to give up especially as she has a real talent for languages (Mrs D knows a thing or two about languages having studied Latin and classics at university but junior is different league when she is motivated).

Manchester is a large Uni, surely they would have the desired course? Only about 20 miles from Widnes