Hello, my name is Jesus from software support, and I am here toi help you today, what seems to be the problem?

{problem}

So, you are having issues with the One zillion volt lightning bolt feature, am I correct?

Well - er, yes.

This is no problem at all Sir, rest assured I am here to help you and I will certainly look into this for you.

{ 15 minutes elapse }

Thank you so much for waiting. I have looked into your account and indeed I see that you did have an issue with the One zillion volt lightning bolt which struck the Birdcage Bar at the Vatican which was not your intention. Am I correct?

Er... yes? It caused like 500,000m euros worth of damage?

Well I will certainly bring this to the attention of the game developers. Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

What, like maybe a cheque for 500,000m euros ?

I'm really sorry but I don't have the ability to issue you with a cheque for 500,000m euros. What I have done is credit your account with 30 reward points and also if you care to restart your game, you will see that I have also refilled your energy and reset the One zillion volt lightning bolt timer

For those who thought the UKIP man was wrong: www.express.co.uk/news/uk/459302 ... -at-120mph

For those who thought the UKIP man was wrong: www.express.co.uk/news/uk/459302 ... -at-120mph

I'd heard on the radio there was a Red weather warning. I just assumed it was those pesky Communists at it again.

Maybe that witch hunter Joseph McCarthy was right after all?
Damned Commies and homo's.
No wonder it's relentlessly persisting down!

Meanwhile those clever folks at the Met Office are basically saying, "If you think [ithis[/i storm is bad- wait till next Thursday.

I think I'll book next Thursday off and stop in bed. Or maybe under it.

A 'red under the bed'.

This is all beginning to make perfect sense now.

How do you know that Chris? Worst this that and the other for 240 years. Is that really coincidental timing?

Or its climate change, as has been predicted and talked about for years

What about 241 years ago? Who's to say it wasn't as bad then?

UKIP man is still nuts

Yes.

Or else there'd have been effing big floods in ancient Greece.

Well there was the mother of all floods a tad over 2000 years ago and no-one complained then about dredging or sandbags.

Search that YouTube thing for Bill Cosby, Noah, he has all the info.

Yes.

Incidentally I know Dally is just on the wind up, but I despair at just how many people there are, in the 21st century, who would really believe that local floods in one corner of one continent would be a sensible way to "punish" a section of a population. For starters, 99% of the "punished" absolutely don't believe it is anything to do with any god - even if it was - so it is singularly pointless. The few siren voices that do seek to convince are roundly ridiculed. So what would be the feckin point? What would this god be achieving?

Secondly, given that god is supposed to be literally omnipotent, how come he can't come up with anything more relevant? Is he just totally unimaginative, or what?

What of god's most loyal followers who fully support his homophobic views, yet happen to live in Somerset and are under four feet of water, having lost everything? Oh wait - no, I think I may know this one; that's just a "test of their faith". Am I right?

Next, what exactly was it that the dinosaurs did to pi ss god off?

And given a large slice of the world gets flooded to buggery in monsoons on an annual basis, which god/gods did the people in those countries annoy?

And given the freezing cold and extreme blizzards in the Antarctic, I don't even want to know what the penguins did wrong.