Cooper really was a genius if he was cracking gags about songs that were only released three years after he'd died...

good spot pal . It was on his list of jokes on the tinternet aswell .

you can tell its a tim joke when the first joke starts with "so i was............"

Just watched him on netflix for the first time , very funny but not in the same league as mr cooper .

Zookeeper says to Paddy " the gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it, would you consider shagging it for £500 ?"
Paddy replies "I will on three conditions, 1st i'm not going to kiss it, 2nd my family must never know and 3rd i'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together"

******************

My wife was standing nude in front of the mirror, she was not happy with what she saw and she said to me "I feel horrible, I feel fat and ugly and I really need you to pay me a big compliment"
I replied " Well, your eyesight is damn near perfect"
and that's when the fight started....

Bob Monkhouse:

People used to laugh when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well they're not laughing now!

My scouse mate has just got his kids a trampoline and bikes from the internet.
I asked which website he saw it on.
He replied 'Google earth'

It's 20 years (together) for me and Mrs G, in a couple of weeks time, and I've just been thinking back to our first 9 dates, which were 8 meals and a visit to the pictures to see a super hero film. So that's









dinner
dinner
dinner
dinner
dinner
dinner
dinner
dinner
batman









I'm REALLY sorry. I've got me coat.

The first rule of Thesaurus Club
......is that you do not talk, articulate, babble, broach, chant, chat, chatter, comment on, communicate, confess, converse, describe, divulge, drawl, drone, express, flap one's tongue, gab, babble, give voice to, gossip, influence, intone, notify, palaver, parlay, patter, persuade, prate, prattle, pronounce, reveal, rhapsodize, run on, say, sing, soliloquize, speak, spill the beans, spout, squeak, squeal, talk one's leg off, tell, tell all, use, utter, ventriloquize, verbalize, voice or yak about Thesaurus Club.

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are dose?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger..
"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everyting!"