had to go to a mates funeral this afternoon
he died when he was struck on the head with a tennis ball
it was a lovely service

I was browsing the local paper for the football scores. There were some interesting ones in the Musketeer League - all 4-1.....and one 4 all!!

A man went into a shoe shop and bought one boot and one trainer. The store clerk asked why. The man replied 'the weather forecasted one foot of snow'.

Little lad is shagging his sister, he says " you're better than me mam", the little girl replies, " I know, me dad said".

Those long winter evenings in Wigan, eh

they thought the bloke that invented the tv remote had died, but he turned up safe and sound - he was stuck down the back of the sofa.

I heard they revived him by switching the batteries around in his pacemaker and bashing him against the coffee table .

The funeral for the inventor of the Hokey Cokey was delayed by a hour yesterday when the funeral parlour had problems getting him in his coffin. They put his left leg in and thats when the problems started



I know, the old ones are the best

Nice one.

Joey Barton is planning to join a new club this summer. He can't say which one, its first rule is you don't talk about it

Just heard a news flash on the radio, the local hospital is reporting an unusual occurrence in the maternity department. A child has been born with both female and male organs:

a vagina and a brain